


Free Fall

by starrydog



Category: On My Block (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-04-25 19:03:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14385126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrydog/pseuds/starrydog
Summary: Astor isn't like her twin. Monse has always been the smart one, the logical, talented, and ambitious. When she finishes high school she'll leave Freeridge and shoot for the stars. Astor is different, she's more spontaneous than her sister, a true live-in-the-moment free spirit. She knows nobody has ever expected her to change the world, or even make it out, and she's okay with that. Monse may get her freedom from knowing tomorrow will be better, but to Astor, it's today that holds the promise.





	1. Mario's Maniacal Monitions

I weaved around throngs of teens; I was surrounded by pulsing music and a slightly suffocating atmosphere of cigarettes, weed, and stale perfume. I stopped, taking it all in. It wasn't the first party I had been to, but was definitely the biggest. This was high school. I watched a blonde move wildly to the music. Soon I will be the one turning heads on the dance floor, not just sneaking in the shadows and stealing beer. 

"Astor, come on!" Cesar yelled over the thumping beat. My visions of the future dissipated. "Jamal will probably have a heart attack if we don't hurry up."

"You're right, we left them what, ten minutes ago? He's probably in convulsions at this point." We continued darting through the party goers, finally making our way to the kitchen and swiping five beers off the counter, before making a hasty retreat out the backdoor with our loot.

"No doubt. They've got this. When has Cesar or Astor ever disappointed?" The voice of Monse carried across the alleyway.

"Mmm, fourth grade. Kickball tourney. We lost." Jamal, the paranoid.

Jamal, Monse, and Ruby were staring over the wall at the scene. I jumped up behind them, wrapping my arms around J and my sister's shoulders, handing them both a beer. "Only 'cause he picked the kid with no skills." 

"And I'd pick you again. Loyalty trumps victory, compa." Cesar tossed Ruby and I two of the cans and stood next to us. "Ah. Take it in. This is about to be us. This is high school." 

They all took a swig of their beers and soon had disgust written out on their faces. I laughed. "What were you expecting? Amateurs." I guess that was their first time drinking alcohol. For kids who live in Freeridge, my friends are pretty naive about some things. Example A: drinking for the first time at age fourteen.

"Ruby, you think your brother's gonna marry Angelica?"

Our attention refocused on Mario and his girlfriend violently sucking face. Ruby shrugged. "No idea. Mario tells me jack." 

Jamal giggled. "What about that time he said Angelica has a dangler?" Ruby gave him a look of disbelief.

Oh, Jamal. I really did love him as a friend, but subtlety was almost if not completely lost to him.

"But he said that."

"In private! Time and place, dude." He whisper shouted. His eyes slid across the crowd. "Oh, guys, check out Huerita at nine o'clock." The blonde I had noticed earlier was still dancing...no, she was closer to grinding at this point, with several of her friends. "Astor, do girls like that wear underwear?"

I raised one eyebrow and crossed my arms. "Just why are you asking me?"

"Um...well, you've been around."

Jamal started making frantic motions for him to shut up.

Monse stood behind me while I glared at him. "Careful Ruby, you're on thin ice." She said protectively.

"It was a joke! It's just that I-I assumed you know more about that stuff because of...Latrelle."

I felt Cesar stiffen next to me. I closed my eyes and spoke through gritted teeth. "Why can't everyone just forget it ever happened? That was one time, Ruby. A one time mistake, and believe me, I've been paying for it in spades."

Ruby winced. "Too soon. Sorry." An awkward silence followed and we went back to watching the party and sipping our drinks.

"Oh, my God, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die." Jamal warily eyed a cluster of beefy guys in football jerseys. 

Here we go again.

"Why are you gonna die?" Asked my sister. 

"Those guys play for the 'Ridge. Did you know that last year alone over a quorum of kids-"

"Died playing football?" She finished. "You're stuck on repeat. So don't play."

He sighed. "No choice. My pops was a legend, it's family tradition."

He jumped down and started hyperventilating. "I'm dead."

Cesar and I followed him. "You're not dead." I stated.

He stuck his head between his knees and whimpered. 

"Jamal, CTE is not in you future." He said stooping to eye level.

"Guys, check out my game. Huerita just gave me the nod" He imitated the look. An arm suddenly shot out from behind the wall and latched on to his neck. "Ah!" He squeaked in a mix of pain and surprise. 

"Eyeing my girl, cabron?" The Santo attached to the arm asked threateningly. 

That hijo de puta better get off my friend! Even if he just called me a slut. I curled my hand into a fist and moved to deck the creep, but Cesar grabbed me, no doubt stopping me from doing something very stupid.

Ruby attempted to save himself. "No. God, no. I'm not into blondes."

"Easy, he does your mom's taxes, Mrs. Guzman, right?" He attempted to talk the man down, much better than my strategy.

"Three thousand dollar refund. Schedule C, line 30, home office deduction." The poor kid gasped out.

"Seriously, dude?" Monse was incredulous.

A second Santo popped up from behind the wall to see what the commotion was. He too grabbed our short friend, before seeing Cesar. "Yo, what are you doing, ese? That's Spooky's little bro, dawg."

The first gang member immediately released Ruby, who choked and stumbled over to Cesar. "I didn't realize it was you, homie. Hey, listen, tell Spooky Sad Eyes sends respects." He gestured to his friend. "Let's get out of here." 

"Thank God for your brother." The poor kid groaned, rubbing his neck.

His gaze darkened at the mention of Oscar. "Don't. Thank God for better things."

"BANG!" A gun fired. We ducked low behind the wall and bolted, you don't want to end up just another kid caught in a crossfire. 

"That was a .38." Monse started. 

"No." Jamal disagreed, "It was a .45."

"It sounded like a .44." Added Ruby, as we fled in a crowd of teens.

"Wrong!" I yelled.

"BANG!"

".357!" We shouted.

***

"Angelica is pissed!"

Ruby rolled his eyes. "She's always pissed." He wasn't the biggest fan of his brother's girlfriend.

"You would be too if you had a dangler."

I jumped off the couch to watch the drama unfold. "She's making Mario cry."

"My brother doesn't cry." He said disbelievingly before glancing back to his older sibling. "Dude, he's crying."

I felt bad watching poor Mario get dumped by his bitch of a girlfriend. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing, he deserved better. Still, he loved her. I got up and filled a glass of water for myself in the kitchen. I turned to rejoin the group and saw Cesar sitting really close to Monse and give her a notebook. I felt a twinge of jealousy. Does he like her? If I was being honest with myself, I have a crush on Cesar. I thought he liked me back, but it might have just been wishful thinking.

"Here comes Waterworks!" Jamal called, causing us to all rush to the couch and pretend to be minding our own business.

He bursts through the door and sighs. "Were you guys spying on me?"

We all shook our heads, except for Jamal, who could not keep a secret to save his life.

Mario lets out a muffled sob and begins crying again. None of us were quite sure what to do, Ruby's brother had always been our mildly crazy role model, he had never cried before. 

"You okay, homie?" Cesar asked tentatively, almost as if he was afraid he would shatter if he spoke to loud. 

"Yes...no...I don't know." He gave a bittersweet chuckle. "Look at you. On the verge of high school. All the excitement. All the firsts. First parties, first football games, first love." He paused and looked at us each in turn. "Want me to drop some knowledge?" 

"Not really." We said in unison, shaking our heads vigorously. 

"High school, it's the foundation for the rest of your life. Any false starts could lead to your own dead end. Now sure, you guys are smart, setting curves and all that, but you still have to go hard!" He yelled suddenly, causing us all to jump. "'Cause there's only one chance at a first impression. So, do you want to sit on the sidelines or play in the game?" 

"I just don't want to die." Jamal said, probably thinking of impending football doom. 

Monse voiced what we were all thinking, "Is Mario high?" 

"Yes, he's high on life and memories and some seriously good indo." He answered with a laugh. "What I was saying is work hard, put your heart out there, even if it's broken by some bitch you've known since Mr. Estrada's seventh grade social studies. Anyway what I was saying, and you may want to write this down, Don't go into high school without back-up. You guys need to stick together to survive. Got it?"

We nodded, slightly stunned by Mario's erratic behavior. 

"I'm going to college, mofos!" He yelled jumping up in excitement. He stuck his hand out infront of me. "Now, kiss my class ring."

I crossed my arms. "Bite me."

He moved on to Ruby, who was sitting next to me and complied. He began to walk away, and we immediately fell into hushed discussion over him. Mario popped his head back into the room "Damn, I almost forgot. One last thing: don't bone Astor."

I threw my head back and groaned. "I am never having sex again!"

Everyone burst out laughing. "At least next time choose someone better than Latrelle." Said Monse through her giggles. "That's just nasty."

I couldn't help but start chuckling. "He's tiny, too."

Jamal put his hands over his ears. "Too much information! I'm leaving before I'm scarred!" He jumps off the couch and starts heading home.

"Me and Astor should get going too, it's getting late, and we both have to leave in the morning."

***

The walk home was short. Dad was away on another long haul and by the time we got home, Our sitter was fast asleep. We sat on Monse's bed, my blowup mattress on the floor. It was my turn to have Mrs. Ruiz bunk in my room. The place would smell like mothballs for days. "I don't understand why she has to stay with us, and why she gets payed to do it." Mrs.Ruiz was about 110, maybe 111. Most of what she did was sleep, and we always ended up taking care of her instead of the other way 'round.

"Beats me. I guess dad figures if there's someone around we won't get into trouble. Even if that someone probably should be in an old folks home."

I scoffed. "Like that would stop me. Trouble is my middle name."

"No, it's Ramona."

I smiled and gave her a playful push. "Shut up."

She lay back onto the bed. "Is it bad I don't want to go to writing camp?"

"Wait, what? You don't want to go?" The camp in question was super exclusive. Monse had to send in one of her stories months in advance, plus get a bunch of letters of reccomendation from teachers. She's been so excited for so long, what changed?

"I won't see you, or the guys for two months. I'm just afraid it'll be lame and I'll have wasted my whole summer."

I pulled her back up. "No no no no no. You do not get to complain about having your summer wasted. You aren't the one who's being sent off to Nonny's." I said, speaking of my grandmother, a very strict woman, with old fashioned views.

"I'm also not the one who banged Latrelle, so you can have fun explaining how that happened to Nonny before spening the rest of the summer doing Hail Mary's."

It was my turn to slump back onto the bed. "Haven't I suffered enough? I'm sorry, I regret it, and I sure as hell won't do it again!" 

"Well, what's done is done, and you can't exactly undo it. We should get some sleep, it's late.

'The Incident' as I referred to it, took place a few weeks ago, and it was literally two minutes. Of course two minutes was all it took for the whole world to know. Honestly, I'm pretty sure everyone else knew before I had even processed what happened. It wasn't like he raped me or anything. Actually, I'm pretty sure he asked me if I wanted to stop five times. It was at a party, the last week of school. I had just found out I was Monse was leaving for almost the entire summer. Without me. I was mad and just wanted to do something rash. Latrelle was there and...well, I went a bit too far. It wasn't fun or nice. It wasn't that bad either. When I got home my dad already knew, having heard from Ruby's mom, who heard from Mario, who heard from Angelica, who saw me go upstairs with Latrelle. You can guess what happened next. I still don't think it's fair, I make one mistake, an BAM! First class ticket for a ten week trip to Nonny's.

I lay in bed, unable to sleep. Everything just kept running through my head. It wasn't even facing my grandmother that had me worried, it was Cesar. I really did like him, and I wanted him to like me back. I had meant to tell him my feelings tonight, before I left so if everything went off the rails we would both have sometime to cool down. But then I saw him with Monse. I tossed and turned, listening to the deep breathing of my twin. Fuck it. There was no way I would be able to sleep. I knew what II needed to do. I quietly got up and slipped on a sweater over my tank top before slowly making my way out of the open window.

***

It didn't take long for me to reach my destination. Everyone in the neighborhood knew the house, and avoided it like the plague. The dilapidated, mustard, one story house, with the dusty yard containing a couch that had seen better days, a barrel that was suspiciously labeled acid, and god knows what else. The Diaz house. The home base of Los Santos. I opened the fence to the back yard and crossed to the side of the house. The window was open, Cesar's window. "Cesar? You awake?"

There was a muffled noise and he appeared a the window. "Astor? What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." His hair, usually gelled back, flopped in his eyes.

"I've got some stuff I need to say before I leave. Can I come in?" 

"Yeah, sure, I'll go unlock the door."

I quickly made my way to the front of the house, arriving just as Cesar opens the door. I followed him back to his room and we sat on his bed. "So, what did you need to tell me about?"

I took a deep breath. This might change everything. "Do you like Monse?" I blurted out.

My words caught him off guard. "What?"

"I saw you at Ruby's, you guys were sitting really close, and it kinda looked like you had a thing for her." I looked at the floor.

"Monse and I are friends. I don't like her in that way. There's another girl..."

My hopes were dashed, and I felt stupid for even thinking he might like me. "O-oh. Is it Heather Smith?"

He looked confused. "No. I don't even know Heather. It's you."

It was my turn to not understand. "Huh? What do you mean? I don't ge-"

He leaned in and kissed me, cutting me off. I just sat there to shocked to move. I had hoped for this exact moment for months, now that it was actually happening I couldn't do anything, my body was frozen. 

He pulled back, embarrassed. "Sorry, I thought you were into me. After you got jealous over Mon-"

I gathered my nerves and kissed him. He stiffened in shock, then wrapped his arms around my waist, while mine went to his neck. Butterflies exploded my stomach as he reciprocated my kiss. I was pulled closer into his embrace and I pressed against him, threading my fingers through his hair. I felt his tongue tentatively slide over my bottom lip, asking for entrance, which I quickly granted. 

Leaning back, I pulled the boy down with me; he half fell on top of me, pinning me to his bed. My his hands snaked under my shirt, running his hands over my back. I pulled at the hem of his fitted t-shirt, wanting it off. Cesar sat up for a moment and discarded the clothing item. I took a moment to admire him before he leaned back down to me and slowly kissed along my neck. I moaned at the feeling. He continued his path down to my collarbone and paused to help me pull off my top. He stared at me.

"What is it?" I asked, sounding a bit breathy.

"You're beautiful." He continued staring at me, and seemed a bit unsure of what to do. I took his hand and placed it on my breast. He inhaled sharply, then got the idea and pressed into me lightly. "I-is that okay?" I gave an affirmative noise and he continued. 

I could see his erection through his jeans and I placed my hand on him. He groaned and I felt him become harder. I fumbled with the button the pants, undoing it and pulling down the zipper. "Do you have something?"

"What?" He asked between the light kisses he laid on my neck.

"A condom."

"Oh. Yeah." He backed up. "I've never done something like this before. Are you sure you want to do this?" 

"I want to. Do you? We can stop if you aren't ready."

"I'm okay. Better than okay. But, you're certain?"

"Yes. I want you, Cesar."


	2. Rumors Ruin Lives

"Nonny, may I please have my clothes back?"

The ancient woman gripped the steering wheel and glared at me in the passenger seat. "No! The ones I gave you are better. You will not transgress into sin and become a lady of the evening on my watch."

"Nonny!"

"I won't be related to a harlot, Girl. I don't like you any more than you like me, but I won't let you tear down the Finnie name any more than your father already has. Keeping you and Monse, bastard children. I never raised him to be so soft; if it was me I would have-"

My blood was boiling. "Fine! Have fun being a grumpy hag! Just let me out here."

She stopped the car. "Good riddance!" She screeched, before peeling away.

Knowing she was out of sight, gave the middle finger toward her general direction. I smoothed my skirt and set off toward Ruby's house, which was luckily only a block and a half away. I soon arrived and his mother opened the door and did a double take at my outfit, but nevertheless, let me in, pointing me to her son's room.

"Check me out, bitches! I got my own room! My own room." Ruby's voice easily carried through the door. "So, let's not trash it. I don't wanna break my pimp couch before it gets some play."

"Like that's ever gonna happen." I scoffed entering.

His eyes got wide when he saw what I had on. "What are you wearing? Did your abuela turn you Amish or something?"

Jamal also stared at me in surprise. "You look like a die-hard christian from the burbs."

I looked down at my clothes. The pleated, grey skirt was knee length; I wore black flats with white socks, the sort with the lacy cuffs. In my opinion the long sleeve shirt was atrocious, not to mention overkill for the sweltering heat of the LA summer. Maybe I just couldn't stand the dusty shade pink, or perhaps it was the Peter Pan-esque collar. The whole getup was topped with a hair bow matching the shirt. "Nonny." Was all I could say.

They nodded, understanding having met my grandmother.

"Angelica left some clothes here. They're still in the closet if you want to change into them."

"Thank God! I thought I was gonna be stuck in these 'till Monse got back with the keys to the house."

He rummaged around in his closet for a few minutes before finding them. The short boy held them up for me to see. A white, off the shoulder top and flower embroidered shorts. "Well...it's pretty girly, but I think they'll fit." He said.

"Thank you Ruby!" I gave him a quick hug, then grabbed the clothes and darted into the bathroom to get changed. I surveyed myself in the mirror. Girly, but so much better than Nonny clothes. I returned to the boys and sat on the 'pimp couch' next to Jamal.

Ruby grabby a faux fur pillow from his closet. "High school is an opp for reinvention. So if I want to live a new life, I got to be a new man. It all starts with my kingdom." He looked around his room, as if imagining the possibilities.

I picked up a copy of 'La Couture Modern' off the bedside table. "Royal Reading?"

He looked unimpressed. "Ha. No. It's a conversation piece. And 2. 99 at Ross! Enough chitchat, let's feng shui."

I heard the front door slam, and moments later Monse appeared. "I'm back!"

"Can you move that side table?"

Wow. Nice, Ruby. I smiled and gave her a wave. She had changed considerably over the last ten weeks.

She was a bit irked. "No, seriously don't make such a fuss. I've only been gone all summer, but really, it's no big deal."

"How was camp?" He said, sounding mildly uninterested. 

"Camp was fine. Notice anything new?" 

"You got boobs." The three of us said in unison. 

She crossed her arms over her chest uncomfortably. "You can wait for Cesar to help."

Jamal sat back on the bed. "Then we'll be waiting a really long time." 

I was confused. "Why? Where's Cesar?" 

"We're not talking to him." Ruby dismissed.

It couldn't be about what happened between us, neither of us would tell anybody. 

"You in a fight?" 

"It wasn't really a fight-" Jamal started, only to be cut off by the other boy. 

"More like We're not getting into it. Trust us, Cesar's not cool." 

Monse was now thoroughly ticked off. My sister always was quick to anger. She continued to badger them; that was when I noticed how both were inadvertently flickering their gazes to me. Shit, it's about that night. Oh God, I bet everybody knows. It was bad enough with Latrelle, but now that it's out I smashed Cesar like two weeks later? there used to be some doubt, now I can say with complete certainty I will be the school slut, the minute I walk through those doors. I might as well get a tattoo on my stomach saying "FREE PARKING" with an arrow pointing down! I'm ruined!

Jamal waved his hand in front of my face, knocking me out of my internal break down. "Earth to Astor? We gotta go to orientation."

"Right. Yeah." I sounded a bit shell shocked.

My sister looked at me, concerned. "You feeling okay? You seem a bit out of it."

I forced a smile. "Damn skippy."

Monse would not give it up. "What happened with Cesar? This silent treatment will only last so long. I will break you. Come on. There's no way Cesar did anything on purpose to destroy our crew. He's the glue of our crew." 

I was doing my very best to block her out and pretend this wasn't happening. Once she knew our entire squad would be ripped apart, more than it already was. She would eventually find out, but until then, I would hope that the boys can keep the secret. Fuck, Jamal knows. I'm screwed.

"Shit, Prophets."

I lifted my gaze from the pavement and saw three people with green shirts and bandannas. "Ditch your colors."

Jamal took off his hat, while Ruby removed his hoodie. "Did I just jack my do?"

Monse gave him a glance. "Yeah."

He took out his phone, using the camera to fix his hair. "Code dread. Code dread. Approaching on your six."

Dammit. Jasmine. as if this day wasn't bad enough. This is the last thing I need. we closed ranks and picked up the pace considerably.

"Yo! You guys going to orientation? Hey, you know my cousin Berto, the fine one? Hey. His daughter Letty said it ain't nothing, unless you're stupid and can't spell your name. And then you hold up the line and then people get mad. Hey, why are you guys walking so fast? You know I can't keep up. I have asthma." The stream of words seemed to never stop pouring from her mouth.

"Sorry, Jasmine, we're having a private convo. Real sensitive stuff. Catch you next time." Monse called, not bothering to look behind her.

"That's what you always say." I heard her take a puff of her inhaler. We all knew what that meant, she was about to give chase. We took off, and booked for several blocks before we lost her. 

Jamal was the first to stop, seeing she was no longer behind us. "Man, she is relentless. Nice save."

"Oh, you're not safe." She was still upset.

"Your threats aren't penetrating, okay? I'm not telling you what Cesar said."

She spun around triumphantly. "Ah ha! So, he said something!" 

"Jamal!" Ruby yelled, upset with his friend's inability to keep a secret. "Do you need a muzzle?" He turned to my sister. "Monse, no offense, but you're a loose cannon. We're not telling you for your own protection." I had to agree with him on this one. If she knew she would undoubtedly do something stupid out of anger. Not thinking things through was something we evidently both had in common."

"My own protection? Eat a dick."

I rolled my eyes. "Case and point."

Ruby continued. "You don't even know and you're already at Defcon Solange."

"He has a point I added."

She turned on me. "You don't know either. You're supposed to be on my side."

We looked across the street, only to see some idiot getting jumped in. "Don't look." Said jamal, pushing in front of us. "Keep walking." We stayed silent until after we had passed. "Why would anyone want to get jumped into 19th Street? If it were me, I'd join First Street, only one second of pain."

"Agreed." Ruby seemed mildly shaken. "And who wants a lifetime of commitment at our age?"

"Apparently, neither of you. Lack of commitment seems to be a noticeable trend in this friendship. As does lack of personal space!" 

Why can't she just forget about it?I want Cesar back too, but I've gotta talk to him first. 

Loud rap music blared up the street as the dark red Impala we all knew so well rolled up the street. "Oscar." I mumbled.

Seeing the car Ruby gave it one last ditch attempt. "We can't tell you what Cesar said."

"Fine. Then I'll ask myself." She walked out into the street, coming to a stop directly in front of Oscar's chevy. 

He leaned out the window. "Hey, you crazy?"

Monse went around to the driver side. I couldn't hear what was being said, but neither of them looked particularly mad, so I crossed my fingers that Oscar turned over a new leaf in prison and maybe he was just taking Cesar to go help feed the homeless at a soup kitchen? Ha. No.

He drove away, leaving Monse in the middle of the street. Ruby wrapped his sweater around her when she returned. "When did Oscar get out?"

"Six weeks ago."

"Now it makes sense!" She said, as the pieces fit together in her mind. "Whatever Cesar said, he said to impress Oscar."

"Yeah, probably." I think it makes it worse knowing that the remnants of my reputation and dignity were traded for street cred.

"Cesar's terrified of his brother." My sister continued. 

Jamal agreed. "Along with everyone else." 

"Then who cares what he said." 

Why does she have to want to know so bad? 

"Oh, just drop it."

"Do I look like I can just drop it?" She shot. 

I snapped. "Actually, you do. You just won't."

They all looked at me. "What's with you today?" She asked.

"I'm just sick and tired of all of your stupid bickering! So excuse me, but I'm leaving. Have fun at orientation." 

I moved to leave, only to be stopped by an all to familiar voice. "Tax time, bitches!"

"Shit. Latrelle." I growled. Could this day get any worse?

"Hands up, money out. 'Cept for Astor." He took a step forward. "You're looking fine. You ever want this again," He gestured to himself. "You just call. I heard you ain't picky, and I'm up anytime." I glared at him, balling my fists. 

Jamal grabbed my arm to stop me from lunging at him. "That won't help anything. Just stay cool." He whispered.

"We don't have any money." Ruby cut in.

We paused for a second. "What about that twenty?" Jamal earned glares all round, as the shorter boy handed over his cash. "At least you have your own room." He said apologetically.

***

"Are you high?" Jamal yelled at Monse.

"I wish." I grumbled. It was after orientation, and we had somehow found ourselves across from Cesar's house. Monse had all but dragged us there to ask him what was going on herself. Needless to say, I was not happy about the plan, I did have to talk to him though, and I guess there's no time like the present. With my sister. She was going to find out anyway when she went over. It's better I'm there to stop her from killing somebody when the shit hits the fan. 

"I'm not gonna hash shit out. To what end? Death? Cesar might've joined the gang." Jamal had backed out, not that I was too upset over that, when it comes to murder, the less witnesses the better.

Monse would not be deterred"He's not stupid. He's affiliated, yes, because of his brother, but-"

Jamal interrupted, "And his cousins, his uncles, his dad, his grandpa. Even the gay one." 

"I know. I know." 

"Wait. You knew about the gay one?"

I sighed. "Now is not the time for gay grandpas!" 

She continued. "I know Cesar's family's been in that life forever. But he'd never join a gang. He's an outlier. So whatever's going on, it's not that."

I wish I could have shared my sister's conviction, but I wasn't so sure. "I don't know, Monse. If Oscar's out, he either is, or was under a ton of pressure to follow the same road as the rest of his family. You have to consider the possibility he got jumped in." 

"Astor's right. He's not the same. He dumped us." 

"But we weren't here, so it's not official." She was grasping at straws now. 

"If someone breaks up with you over text, is it official?"

"Yes." 

"Then consider me the text." He made a clicking noise and pretended to be typing something on a phone. "Ding! You've been dumped!" She turned to cross into the Santos stronghold. "Wait, please don't go. Please, you're-you're not safe." 

She looked confused. "Why?" 

God, for such a smart kid, Monse could be incredibly dense sometimes.

Jamal was very uncomfortable. his eyes flickered between her chest and her face. She still didn't get it. "Because you've...blossomed."

"Blossomed?" 

"Popped. Busted out. Puffed your party pillows."

She continued to be confused.

"Monse! You have boobs now, and that changes the playing field." At my words she finally understood.

"Whatever you want to call your new cha-cha-bingos." he mimed breasts in front of his chest. "These new homies he's hanging with, they're thirsty." He pushed his sweater onto her to cover up. She threw it back and started across the street, motioning for me to follow. "Okay! Don't worry, girls! I got your backs...from right here."

We entered the Santos filled yard and located Cesar sitting on the dilapidated couch. "We need to talk to you." 

He looked up at us, cool as a cucumber. "I'm listening."

How can he act so nonchalant after what he did? He's practically ruined my life for the near future! Maybe it would be Monse pulling me off of him, and not the other way 'round.

"Privately?" She asked. 

"Yeah, we can go inside." He moved to get up, then Oscar cleared his throat. "But if Astor wants sit on my face, we've got to ditch your motor mouth so I can concentrate." The Santos laughed.

I was shocked and offended at his words. I turned on my heel, and exited the yard, pulling my sister with me. The boy I had called a friend was gone. He was a Santo now, and apparently his gang was more important than his friends.

***

It had been about a quarter of an hour and Monse was still ranting. "Cesar is dead to me!" 

"Told ya." Jamal had changed into a football jersey and was jumping and rolling in the grass. 

"He doesn't break up with us, we're breaking up with him! "Sit on my face?" Who says that? And about my sister!" Each time she mentioned me, I felt the dread and guilt sink a bit lower in my stomach. It takes two to tango, and it wasn't like he came to my window. 

"Chairs who can talk! And buttholes!" He gave a flying leap into the grass, landing directly on his chest. 

Monse was fuming, and just working herself up more and more. "I wouldn't put dumb crap like that past Oscar, but Cesar? What happened to him? Cesar's gotta be hitting the pipe. Right?"

"Nope. Been there, done that. With Cesar, actually. It doesn't do that to him, if anything he got a bit paranoid."

"That was totally out of character." She looked down at Jamal.

He was pulling himself over the ground and throwing grass over himself. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting into character." He spritzed himself with water from a squirt bottle. "Hey, Pops!" He turned to us and whispered, "Say nothing and go with my flow." 

"Monse! Astor! Welcome back!" He hugged us. "You ready for the new year?" 

I forced the excitement I should have felt for high school. "Bound to be a lot of surprises."

He turned to his son. "How was practice?" 

My sister raised her eyebrows. " Yeah, how was practice?"

Jamal gave an air of false confidence. "I don't know. Ask those D1 scouts who were all up on me."

His father laughed and clapped him on the back. "That's my boy." He went back to watering his garden. 

"Ow." 

I stared at him with wide eyes. "Did you quit the team and not tell your dad?" 

"No...Yes...Look, I suited up first day, and I just wasn't feeling it." He whispered.

"Wasn't feeling it?" My sister asked in disbelief. 

Jamal gritted his teeth. "Yeah, I wasn't feeling like breaking my neck. Listen, everybody who knows me knows I suck, except my pops. And he keeps thinking that I'm just gonna wake up one day and be him, and...I'm not him. I just need to find the right time to tell him." 

"How ironic that a guy who can't keep a secret is keeping the biggest secret of his life." 

He nodded with a sigh.

She gave a devilish smirk. 

"What?" 

"I'm gonna rat you out to your dad." He opened his mouth in protest. "Unless you drop the 411 about Cesar. What did he say?"

No, no, no, no, no! 

He was very unimpressed. "No." 

"Yes! Mr. Turn-"

Jamal covered her mouth and blurted it out. "Cesar said Astor let him hit it before she left." He covered his mouth and looked at me with pity.

Monse glared, on the warpath. 

I couldn't hold it in any longer, I never cry, but I couldn't help it. I had been looking forward to high school for years. I would meet new people, go to parties, just goof off and have fun. It wouldn't be the same now. Girls won't want to be friends with me, or maybe even talk to me. And guys'll just want to get into my pants. It wasn't fair! I felt the tears pool in my eyes and stream down my face. 

My sister hugged me. "Sorry Jamal, I think we're gonna head home.

***

Once we got home I went straight to my room and cried. Eventually, after having exhausted myself, I fell asleep.

There was a knocking at my door. "Astor? Can I come in?" Her voice was muffled through the door.

I cracked open my eyes. "Yeah."

She slid into my room and sat next to me on the bed where I was curled under the blankets, doing my best to block out the world. "Dad called me. He's getting back real late tonight, but he said he'd be there before we left in the morning."

"I'm not going tomorrow."

"You can't miss the first day of high school. You've been waiting years for this."

I didn't respond.

"Do you want to talk?"

"No."

She sighed. "Will you at least come out from under the blankets?" 

"The best option I can think of is never coming out again. Just put some carrot sticks at the foot of my bed three times a day."

"Now you're just being dramatic."

I slid my head out from under the covers and propped my self up a bit. "No I'm not. Cesar ruined my life. I've been so excited for high school for years, years! You've always been the one who was going to change the world, actually go off and do something with their life, be someone. And I've always been the one who would end up stuck here. This was my chance to prove that I'm not just gonna be another person who wastes their life stuck down here, it might not be much, maybe own a machine shop or something, but it would still be something."

"You can still do all of that! This whole Cesar sitch doesn't change that."

"Yes it does!" I yelled in exasperation. "Nobody'll take the slut seriously. Not even the teachers, because everybody knows! Girls won't want to be friends with me, or even talk to me. And guys will just want to smash. I'm the kid parents tell their children to stay away from. I'm the one everybody expects to be pregnant within a year, the one that'll drop out of high school and bounce from job to job, then eventually end up being a hooker before they find me dead in a ditch at the age of twenty-something."

Monse looked at me. "That won't happen. You have friends, me and Ruby and Jamal. They ditched Cesar because he hurt you. We've got your back, you're not alone. And tomorrow if anybody gives you crap I'll kick their ass!"

I laughed at the last bit, feeling a bit better.

"If people won't talk to you, or won't be your friend because of how you're labeled, the screw them. You don't need people like that anyway. Just remember, you'll always have us."

I hugged my sister. "Thank you."


	3. The Art Of Dealing With Idiots

"Hey Kiddo, time for school." My dad came into my room and opened the blinds, letting the sunlight in.

I pulled the blankets tighter around me. "I don't want to go. Please let me stay home, just for today."

My dad was concerned and sat on the edge of my bed. "You've been so excited. What's wrong?"

I contemplated lying and just saying I was sick, but Dad completely trusts Monse and I. I couldn't betray that. "Boys keep saying I let them bone me, and now everyone thinks I'm a slut."

His brow furrowed. "Who says that? I'll make sure it never happens again." He said protectively. 

"No Dad. Don't do anything stupid. It's my fault for sleeping with Latrelle in the first place. I'm fine, it's just...everyone at school is gonna believe the rumors, and it'll get worse. Please let me skip."

He rubbed his face, and looked apologetic. "That's just running away from your problems. If you don't go today, they'll be twice as bad tomorrow. I know this sucks Baby, but sometimes you've just got to grit your teeth an get though it. That's the best I can offer, I hate not being able to help you."

I sat up and hugged him, burying my face in his shoulder. "I love you, Dad. I missed you so much. I don't want you to leave again, I need you."

He sighed. "I'm sorry Kid, but I've got another long haul tomorrow."

I felt deflated. I loved my dad, and I just wanted him here to stay. "Do you have to go?" I knew I sounded like a whiny toddler. I was having a really shitty time, and I needed him here.

"It's unavoidable, but how about I make you a deal: you go to school and no Mrs. Ruiz."

"Really?"

He smiled. "Really. I trust you guys, you'll be fine."

I wrapped my arms around him tighter. "Thanks, Dad."

"You really should be getting up, or your breakfast will be cold. I made your favorite."

"Apple cinnamon pancakes?"

He laughed and ruffled my hair. "You know it."

***

"I'll just keep a low profile for the first few months, you know blend in. I'll be the kid in the back that never raises their hand and everyone forgets about."

"That would be smart, by all means, give it a try." Monse seemed disbelieving.

"What? I blend!"

She scoffed. "Maybe in your dreams."

I put my hands on my hips. "Oh, yeah? You think I can't be part of the herd? Why not?"

"I know you can't. I've never seen you pull it off, mainly for two reasons. One, can't let stuff go, if someone says something about you, you'll fight them, every time." She explained, counting on her fingers. " And two, You're hot, you turn heads. You physically don't look like just another person in a crowd. The way you look and act just doesn't blend. You're not the invisible type."

Soon we were joined on our walk to school by Jamal and Ruby, just like always. Except it wasn't. There was a Cesar shaped hole. The pauses in the conversation I expected to be filled stayed silent. No one grabbed me from behind to surprise me like he used to. Conversation was forced and awkward. It wasn't the same without him, he was the glue of our crew. I hated to admit it, but even after he dragged my reputation through the dirt, I still missed him.

Our journey was short and we soon reached the school with several minutes to spare. The place was a hive of activities, friends comparing time tables, people rushing to find their class, and kids chatting about their vacations. This was high school.

"I've got gym first, so I gotta bounce." Announced Ruby, being the first our squad to separate from the pack.

"Really? Me too!" Jamal said excitedly. "I bet we're in the same class."

The short boy looked up at the school nervously. I could tell he was glad to have a friend in his first class. "Well, I guess I'll see you guys at lunch. Wish me luck."

"See ya Ruby." Monse called after him while I gave a nonchalant salute. 

"I'm off to my own personal hell." I shuddered. "English."

Monse rolled her eyes. "Stop being such a drama queen, it's not that bad."

We began walking. "Maybe not for you, Miss Natural-writing-genius, but believe me, for the rest of us normal people it's purgatory. You're lucky, you get science." 

"Lucky? I have to listen to some old guy go on and on about elements. At least you get to use your brain to make something."

I had a comeback at the ready, when our banter was interrupted. "Yo, Astor!" A dude who looked to be about sixteen shouted. I was almost certain we had never spoken before. "You lookin' fine! Latrelle and Cesar ain't shit; ditch next class and I'll show you what a real man's like!"

That pissed me off. Big time. That cabron's really gone and done it now. Prepare to feel my wrath. I sauntered over swinging my hips more than I usually would, going out of my way to try to look sexy. 

My sister stared at me, shocked. "Astor, what are you doing?" She hissed.

I ignored her and reached the offending target. I stood in front of him as he unashamedly checked me out, his eyes settling on my boobs. I took a step forward. "You just assume you can get this?" I cocked an eyebrow. "Think again, douchebag." I kneed him where it hurts, hard.

He gave a cry and grabbed his pained area.

My sister latched onto my arm and yanked me away. "What were you thinking?!"

"I wasn't gonna let him get away with saying that shit. What do you expect?"

"Not using violence!"

I pulled my arm back from her grip. "Well what was I supposed to do?"

She turned to me. "Just ignore him. Dudes like that are fishing for attention."

"I know, but could you stand by if that happened to you?"

"Yeah I could. It's what I do when idiots catcall me. I don't deck them, or knee them in the balls, 'cause that's a great way to get yourself hurt real bad. One day those fists are gonna get you in serious trouble." I could hear the worry in her voice as she grasped my balled hand, rubbing her thumb over my perpetually scarred and bruised knuckles. "I know you're tough, and you're a fighter, but being a brawler isn't a good thing, especially around here."

The bell rang and we hastily bid each other goodbye and headed to class. 

I understand what Monse meant about how I handled the situation and I got it, I really did. I am a fighter, but she doesn't get that I don't know how to battle with words like her and Ruby, or even Jamal and Cesar, for them it's so easy. I'm more physical and impulsive than all of the 'fam' as my sister calls us. I know it's bad, but I can't change. It's just another reason I'll probably never leave Freeridge. And I'm okay with that, I've always known I never had much of a chance of getting out, it's just who I am.

***

I burst through the door of my English classroom, arriving just in time for the end of attendance. Thirty some odd pairs of eyes immediately focused on me. Damn, between the idiot in the hall and showing up to my first class late, I can kiss my dreams of flying under the radar goodbye.

A middle aged woman with long hair and a severe face looked up from her computer screen. "How nice of you to join us. I assume you're Astor Finnie, the only person unmarked on my list. Please find a seat." The teacher said in a bored, uninterested tone, like the last place she wanted to be was here.

Whispers shot through the crowd and people hastily moved their backpacks into empty seats.

"She's a slut."

"I heard she'll do anybody that asks; I bet that's why she's late."

"Move your bag, I don't want her to sit here." 

"She's a walking STD."

"My brother says she's always at Pimp Lane."

"Marco said they banged last week."

It was like I wasn't in the room, or that everyone thought I couldn't understand them. Maybe they just didn't care. I blushed and looked at the floor in shame.

"We're waiting, Astor." Came the monotone voice of the teacher.

I surveyed the class for empty seats and found only one, in the back left corner next to...Cesar. The one who caused my troubles in the first place. And he didn't even have the guts to look me in the eye and see how much I was hurting. I couldn't do it. "I'm sorry Teach, I'm not feeling well." I kept my cool long enough to make it to the hall before bolting out of the school. 

***

I knew exactly where I was going. I stopped at the same shabby mustard house where I gave Cesar the means to ruin my reputation so completely. I checked the backyard for any Santos, and, fining it empty, I scrambled over the fence and made my way to the open window I knew so well. How many times had I come through this window to visit my best friend? I took a sharpie out of my schoolbag and began on his white wall.

Cesar, you bastard. Never in my life have I known someone quite like you. You're really not as bad as people say you are, you're much, much worse. I'm aware some babies are dropped on their heads, but it's clear you were thrown at a wall. Please, do the world a favor and go play in some traffic. I fucking hate you, you worthless piece of (normally I would put human here, but you don't qualify) trash. Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory. You really are a special snowflake, it takes somebody with a unique form of sadistic tendencies to knowingly ruin your best friend's life. Make that ex best friend. Go jump off a bridge, no one will miss you.

With love,

Astor

P.S. Fuck you!

***

I didn't go to the meeting with the squad like we planned, I just couldn't deal with any more of this Cesar crap. However, I was getting pretty bored after spending the whole day, so when Monse texted me she was heading to the Martinez house, I agreed to go.

As soon as I got there I burst into laughter at the sight of poor Ruby decked out in a floor length, frilly dress, which was a truly appalling shade of pink. I can relate about being terrorized by grandmothers. My sister was yelling something about having things kept from her, but I wasn't listening, to busy rolling on the floor in a fit of giggles.

Ruby glared at me. "Thanks for the sympathy."

Monse was fed up. She grabbed the boy's arm and dragged him outside, I trailed after. "Monse. Wait, Monse!" He protested. "We need to go back inside." He covered the neckline of the hideous gown.

"What did Cesar exactly say? And how did he say it? I need context. Tone. I need to know."

I stared at her. "You're still on about this? The bastard doesn't give a fuck about us and doesn't care who he hurts. Just drop it and forget about him; we talked to him, you saw what he's like now."

"Astor's right. Plus, You know what I know. What I don't know is why he said it. But he said it. We tried to get him to take it back, but he wouldn't. So what can we do? Drop it." 

"I can't."

I couldn't understand her inability to leave it alone. Yeah, it sucked losing a friend, but he obviously didn't want us around. "Why?" 

"I'm still figuring out if I hate him."

I scoffed. "I'm not." 

"You heard what Mario said. How are we gonna survive high school without Cesar?" 

"He's not some sage. Don't take his words to heart. They're just words." Ruby said, trying to convince her. 

She crossed her arms. "If that's true then why should we take Cesar's words to heart? They're just words." 

"Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it. And Cesar said it like he meant it."

That's when the one woman whirlwind butted in. You guessed it. Jasmin. "Hi! Damn, Ruby. I see you! I see you! And I'm down with it. I like the freaky, just like Astor. I know you and Cesar been gettin' it in." She made thrusting motions for emphasis.

That was the final straw. "Fuck that traitor, I'm going to kick his ass!" I said, getting up and marching away.

"Astor! Astor, stop!"

I gave them the bird.

When I once again reached the infamous house, the yard was full of Santos. I immediately saw the fucker on his skateboard. I stomped up to him and decked him in the jaw. "You little bitch!" 

He fell back onto the yard's sorry excuse for grass. I kept doing my best to pummel him. "Ow! Jesus Astor!" 

"Damn, that hyna's wild. Must be a freak on all fours." A Santo called. 

"I fought for you. I had your back. For what? For you to impress your puto friends and humiliate me?" 

Oscar laughed. "Hermanito, you better back up before you get smacked up." 

"Shut up, puto!"

I suddenly felt myself being lifted off the cabron. "Astor, Calm down."

"Get the fuck off me! The little shit deserves it!"

It was Jamal who spoke, he could always get me to cool it the fastest for whatever reason. "We're not letting go until you agree to stop hitting him."

I took a some deep breaths and a few moments. "I'm cool." They released me. I turned to Cesar, still on the ground. "His ass isn't worth my time." 

***

It had been a few hours, and I was feeling significantly better. We were on the phone with Dad and had agreed he didn't need to know about my fist connecting with Cesar's face...or ribs, arms chest, just general upper body. He also wasn't in the need to know loop about the brick wall I punched afterwards. They were bandaged now. I didn't break anything, a bit scraped and bruised is all. 

"Stop worrying." 

"It's my job to worry." He said through the phone. "Especially since it's the first time I'm leaving you alone without a sitter." 

"Dad, we're good. I've already decided I'm not having sex for a very long time, so no worries there. Plus Monse's got me to knock anybody that crosses her. On the street, in school, even in the very off chance right here. I'm pretty handy with Ethel." I twirled my length of metal pipe, which I had dubbed Ethel The Bad Guy Basher, for effect . Baseball bats are so overrated.

He laughed.

" And not hiring Mrs. Ruiz will save us a lot of money." Said the ever practical Monse. 

"Don't you worry about that." 

"I have to. Saving money means you don't have to go on long hauls as much, which means you don't have to leave as much, which means no more Mrs. Ruiz."

Dad smiled. "Remind me not to challenge you in the future. You always win."

"Don't worry Dad, if your ego ever needs lifting, you can always debate with me." 

"We're inside now. Door is locked. You saw it's double bolted. You saw it's double chained. So, get some rest and we'll call you when we wake up, okay?" 

"Okay. Love you both." 

"Love you, too."

"Love you and miss you."

He put his hand to his mouth and blew a kiss, turning off the video call, his signature move.

"I'm gonna go pass out, see you in the morning." I gave her a casual two finger salute and went to my room on the opposite side of the house, toting Ethel along with me.

I pulled off my shirt and was searching through my closet for a pajama top when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I pulled around fast, swinging Ethel as I went. She connected with the intruder's shoulder and they fell back on my bed with a grunt. I spun the pipe so that the jagged, pointy end was facing them. Then I saw who it was. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't beat the shit out of you."

He put up his hands in submission. "Please, hear me out. I never meant to hurt you."

"Then why did you say it? We promised we weren't gonna tell anybody. You were the one who said that we should keep this thing, our thing, on the low. That it would create a rift in the crew, and destroy my reputation and it did. So why'd you do it?" I was still wielding Ethel. 

"Oscar." His voice was shaking. 

I was confused and lowered my weapon a bit. He was looking a bit beat up from earlier anyway. "I don't understand." 

"When he got out, he wanted to get at you, so I claimed you. To protect you." 

Now it makes sense. "You don't have to protect me. Protect yourself. Leave. Get away from Oscar." I sat on the bed beside him.

"You don't understand." 

It was my turn to sound quaky. "You got jumped in, didn't you?"

He looked to the floor and nodded.

I gave a sharp intake of breath. "You were gonna be an architect."

Cesar shook his head. "This life it's my destiny. My family crest is and will always be a gang sign. It's too late. You guys got me all twisted all these years about a future away from this place, but it ain't gonna happen. Man, this is all I got."

I hugged him. I understood how he felt about never being able to get out, it's how I had thought ever since I got what the term 'get out' meant. And he got jumped in, I wasn't sure what I could do, that was serious shit. 

I pulled away a bit and turned towards him, leaning in and kissing him. He responded, the both of us wanted, no, needed a distraction. I brought my hands to his neck as his found my waist. I pulled him closer to me, deepening the kiss. His lips moved against mine, almost hungrily. 

I moved down a bit kissing and sucking on his neck, leaving a mark. He made a small noise, only spurring me further, as I fumbled for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up. Then I saw the bruises, the healing ones, proving there was no doubt, he was in. There were also the new ones, angry and painful looking. Those were from me. "Oh, Cesar."

"It's nothing, I'm fine." He took his shirt the rest of the way off and leaned in, reconnecting or lips.

"You're sure you're okay?" I asked between kisses.

"I'm fine."

I leaned back in, and smashed my lips against his, pressing up against his strong chest. I asked for entrance and soon our tongues battled and we were laying on the bed. My undershirt off.

There was a knock at my door and we froze. Shit, Monse! "Astor? Um...are you okay? Can I come in?"

"Yeah, just a sec, I'm getting into my pj's." I said as I pushed Cesar and his shirt under the bed before quickly slipping on an old t-shirt and shorts.

I opened my bedroom door and slipped out. "What did you need?"

"I was thinking about getting up early and making some eggs for breakfast. I was just wondering if you wanted any."

"Oh, yeah, eggs would be great. Thanks Monse, bye."

"'Night Astor."

Back inside my room, Cesar had his shirt back on. "I should be going, can I walk with you guys tomorrow?"

"I'll try and convince them."

"Thanks." He gave me a quick kiss before heading out the window.

Tomorrow was a new day, and maybe, just maybe, things would get better.


	4. The Santovention

It took some doing, but after explaining Cesar's reasoning behind his actions and a bit of lying through my teeth, the gang reluctantly agreed to take him back into our crew. He had begun walking with us, and everything was getting back to normal. I was even going to tell everyone the truth about the rumors. Then along came Oscar, burning the tentative olive branch promising everything to go back to the same as it ever was. All of this was accomplished by simply driving up in the infamous Impala and calling his little brother's name, signaling that, no, Cesar would not be joining us for our morning stroll to school.

It was that moment that the words that would really put our friendship to the test were uttered. "Cesar, we need to save him."

Leave it to Monse to be so smart, yet so stupidly naive.

***

Over the next few weeks things became relatively normal. People still made rumors about me and dudes would still yell at me from across hallways and classrooms, it was okay though, I had my friends. Me and Cesar became way closer, but had stopped whatever our 'thing' was after almost getting caught by Monse. We never actually talked about it, however we haven't done anything since, as we were never alone. If it wasn't one or more of the squad at my house, it was the always present group of cholos that seemed to almost crawl out of the woodwork at his place.

Then there was Monse. Her, Ruby and Jamal worked on their 'plan' every second Cesar was absent. They actually thought they could get him out. They hadn't told me what exactly they were going to do, but had still sworn me to secrecy even though I was not in favor. It wasn't that I wanted my best friend in a gang, quite the opposite really, it's just that once you're jumped in, you're in for life, Los Santos and The Prophets aren't a joke, those guys play for keeps. I didn't understand how the squad could live in Freeridge their whole life and bare witness to tons of kids getting into this shit and still think they have a good chance of getting Cesar out? Es stupido! Luckily I did not have to keep it a secret any longer, they were going to pitch their idea today, which is how we all got to being in Ruby's room holding a Santovention. 

Everyone was talking over each other at a million miles an hour.

"This is the idea we have."

"Binders. Done."

"I've been telling them this is a horrible decision."

"I should be the one to go through with it."

"No one cares about your binders."

"You're all being idiots."

"Yo!" Cesar yelled, effectively shutting us up. "One at a time I'm not following.

Ruby's hand immediately shot in the air. He was waved forward. "Sorry it's excitement. We've been chewing on this the last two weeks." He said with a bit of a giggle. "And it's finally time to move forward with a plan."

"Plan for what?"

Here it comes.

"Getting you out of the gang." Monse stated, as if it should be obvious.

He thought they were trying to prank him and began to laugh.

Unimpressed glares were exchanged all around, mine being directed towards those with a death wish, and said party's at Cesar.

"You're serious?" The nodded. It was easy to see that it pissed him off. "Oh my gosh. No! No, no, no, no. There is no out. You guys are being naive. Once you're jumped in, you can't get out. Unless you get jumped out, and that's not an option." He got quieter towards the end, evidently thinking about what that would mean.

"Why not?" Asked Jamal.

I looked at him incredulous. "You live in an inner city hood and are best friends with an honest to God Santo, yet you don't know what getting jumped out is? Are you stupid?" 

He looked at me and obviously had no clue what it meant.

"They beat you till you die." Supplied Cesar.

"Oh, I see your dilemma."

"Yeah."

Monse spoke up, "Death isn't the only option. Ruby?"

"And this is where you're really gonna hate it." I warned. "I'd just like to say I think this is a fantastic new way to put ourselves and you in danger." I said to him. The others ignored me.

Ruby started in on his speech. "So, after copious amounts of research, I've formulated a theory that all great things come in threes: The Holy Trinity, primary colors, Destiny's Child..."

"D.C started with four members." Jamal interrupted.

Ruby grabbed his binders. "But they weren't big until they were three. Which is why there are three common denominators to end any and all hostile situations. I call them the three M's. Money, murder, manipulation." 

Jamal took a random binder as they were being handed out. 

"No. Not that one, they're watermarked."

Monse rolled her eyes and traded with him. "Clearly murder is off the table. The irony would be to much."

"And there's no way we can hustle up enough cash with the car wash to make it worth Oscar's while.

"Unless..."

"Jamal, don't. Please don't say it." Monse tried. We all wanted to be spared the RollerWorld conspiracy theory for the umpteenth time.

He wasn't bothered. "Getting a lot of cash isn't outside the realm of possibility."

Cesar looked at him, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"RollerWorld." We all answered in the same fed up tone.

"It's real, and 50k is still out there. Those dudes that robbed RollerWorld got put away, but the money was never recovered." He explained.

"In the 80's!" Ruby yelled.

"And the rumor is still rampant!"

I laughed. "I for one can tell you first hand, that the rumor mill's bread and butter is lies."

"What about the Goonies? Some of those kids thought it was B.S until they found the treasure. And they weren't even-"

"Brown. We're brown. Only white kids find treasure." She had a point.

"True." Jamal said in defeat.

Ruby's abuelita had come into the room and was rummaging around in the boxes. He turned around. "What are you looking for?"

"Baby Jesus. He's missing. The special one blessed by the bishop. I put him in here before I started to move in to my room."

I gave Jamal an unimpressed look. "Dude, you're holding it."

He got up and attempted to prove me wrong. "No, this is toddler Jesus. Babies don't stand. This Jesus is probably already potty trained." He glanced at the figurine in his hand. "And this isn't a diaper, these are booty shorts." He pointed out. He crossed the floor and handed the statue back.

"Sit down. Sit." Ruby said through gritted teeth, annoyed at his presentation being so rudely interrupted.

Cesar was unenthusiastic to say the least. "Alright. I'm out." He began to get up.

Monse protested. "We haven't even pitched the final M."

"Don't need to." He walked to the door.

My sister sighed.

"Cesar, wait!" I grabbed his arm. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, whatever." We left the three stooges to their own devices and went outside to talk in private.

"I know you don't like this."

He rolled his eyes. "That's an understatement."

"They haven't told me exactly what they're planning and I don't think there's anything they can do either, but they'll try something with or with out your help. Believe me, I've tried to tell them to drop it and they won't. To hear them out is the least that the both of us can do."

He took a step closer so we were almost touching; my breath hitched. "Fine, but only because you asked me, Astor. It doesn't mean I'll agree though." He had his hands at my waist, mine on his neck. He leaned in and kissed me.

Then I remembered we were in plain sight and pulled back. "We can't keep doing this."

He jumped back. "Right...yeah. We'd better get back before Snap, Crackle and Pop throw themselves off a cliff."

We quickly returned and sat on the bed, Cesar's arm around my shoulders.

Ruby crossed his arms. "Take your sweet time, why don't you? Now we're totally off schedule."

Monse shushed him. "Manipulation." She announced.

Jamal added to her start. "Through negotiation."

"With cogent, well articulated arguments." The short one finished.

Cesar's view had not changed. "So, that's it. You're gonna get me out of the gang with cogent, well articulated arguments?"

"Yes." They were completely convinced their plan was faultless. I face palmed. I tried to listen and get on board, I really did, but the last thirty seconds just completely ruined it. They never actually told me their complete plan until now. We're doomed. 

"Never gonna happen." He clapped once and got up for the second time. "Good talk."

This time I didn't stop him. We walked along the street in silence. I reached for his hand and linked our fingers. 

He looked down surprised. "Thought we couldn't keep doing this." He gestured to the himself and me.

I shrugged. "If they're all gonna do something crazy, then why can't we? Plus, Monse and company will probably be busy dealing with your reaction to their plan for a while. I would say she won't be home for at least an hour or two. You could come with me, that is of course if you don't have to go tag something, or whatever."

He was caught off guard and stopped walking looking at me with surprise. "I'm free."

I reached up and kissed him. "Let's go then."

***

Cesar and I were walking from my locker. For the last two weeks we had been mostly walking together in school. Partially because we had most of the same classes by some fluke in the system, and also because news about Cesar being a Santo had spread fast, just like how everybody suddenly knew I was a slut. Traveling as a pair was mutually beneficial, Prophets and idiot wannabes would stay off his back if he was with a girl, especially me, 'cause everyone knew I fight mean, and people wouldn't call me a whore or ask me to smash if he was there, as most people were scared of the Santos.

We headed down the stairs and heard Monse. "The longer we wait the deeper Cesar's in. Right now he's got no responsibilities. We got to get him out before he puts in work."

"Who's putting in work?" He asked as our duo merged with their trinity. "You still with that?"

They firmly disagreed.

He walked up putting an arm around the shoulders of our squad's resident blabbermouth. "Jamal?"

"We're still with it."

This isn't funny anymore. Trying to reason with my brother is straight up dumb. You gotta promise you're gonna drop it."

My sister tried to talk him down. "You're overreacting-"

"Especially you." I jumped in, worried about what might happen to her if she tried. "Promise."

"I promise."

He nodded. "Okay, good. We'll see you after class." We turned the corner and headed for History, another class we shared. "Monse just lied to our faces, didn't she?"

"Yep." I popped the 'p'.

"There's no way they'll stop."

"Nope."

He put his hand up to his face. "But they have no chance!"

"Like a snowball in Hell."

"What's with all the one word answers? Back me up here."

"Monse and I have a bet about whether I can blend into the crowd or not. So, now that now that I'm pissed the fuck off I'm putting ninety five percent of my total energy into not doing something dumb. I only have to last two more days. I'm not losing a week of dishes to her. Non violent interaction is key, until then I'll just be completely pressurized."

He laughed. "Now I get why you haven't been to the councilor's office this week. Though I would have thought yesterday would have decompressed you." He smirked mischievously.

I jumped on him, covering his mouth. "Dude! Shut up. You can't just go around talking about that." I released him. "Let's just go to class."

***

Monse was waiting for us when we left History. "Hey. Why are you being so nonchalant?" She directed at Cesar. "And why are you egging him on? Being a Santo is some serious shit."

"Monse, we all know that there are plenty of people in the life that nothing happens to. They just live and die and in between get a contact high and a couple of tattoos."

I raised an eyebrow. "I call bullshit. That's not gonna be you. Your brother is Spooky."

"Astor's right. Save the BS for someone who's buying. You're giving in without a fight. And you're letting him. You used to be fighters."

Cesar sighed, becoming annoyed. "There's nothing to fight. Look, I got a reprieve when my brother went to prison. I thought I could just coast through high school being affiliated and then disappear when we graduated. But Oscar got out early, so here I am."

She threw her arms up. "And what if you disappear now?"

"And go where, hmm? Do what?" He said turning. "I'm in. It's done. I don't wanna live the rest of my life thinking about dying, so I'm just gonna live."

My sister realized she had pushed him to far. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to rev up the pressure. I was just trying to help."

"I know. And I appreciate it. I just can't really deal with this right now."

She nodded. "I guess I'll see you then." She went off.

I gently put a hand on Cesar's shoulder. "Is there anything I can do to help? I kinda feel like a shitty friend, just accepting it."

"There is something you can do."

"Anything." I said honestly.

"If you really want to help de-rev the pressure."

"Yeah?"

"Meet me in your room after school. Clothing's optional."

I smirked and put my arms around his neck, only to be interrupted by who is probably the most annoying, worst timed person in the history (and likely future) of the world. "Yo! I am all about this 'clothing's optional'. " She leaned in close to my face. "How about we take this twosome, make it a threesome, and we can get some?" She pulled us close "Hey!"

"Money Money Money Money." 

Thank God for her phone and it's awful ringtone.

"Damn! Jasmine's in demand. I gonna check you guys later, okay? Bye!"

I was so glad to be free of her. "Dude, we have to stop our 'thing'. I don't want to screw up everything with the squad."

"It'll be fine. They won't find out." He tried.

I gave a laugh. "Yeah right. And anyway, I am not having sex again, with anyone, after all the trouble I've caused my self." I walked ahead of him. 

"You do realize that every time you say something like that you've done it afterwards?" He called.

I turned around and opened my mouth, ready to contradict him, then I closed it, thinking for a minute. "Shut up, you."

Cesar laughed at that. "So I'll see you after school? My window's always open"

I smiled, flipping him off.


	5. Santos Are Still Human

By the time Cesar and I got out of our last class, everyone had already ditched. "I can't believe this. I told them how dangerous it was, and they're still locked on it." He was tense, and I could see he was worried for our friends' safety.

I placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him. "They're just scared for you. If you want, we can run and probably catch them before they do anything stupid."

"Nah, I've got a ride. He can drop us."

Oscar? Like hell. "Yeah, no. You go ahead, but I'm not getting into a car with a pedophile. I'll walk."

"It's not Oscar. And I'll be there, nothing will happen. I need you as backup on their plan, they'll listen more if there's two of us. Please?" He asked.

It was ninety degrees out, and a sprint did not sound pleasant. "Fine. But Cesar, I swear to God-"

He cut me off. "It's just a five minute ride, you don't need to be afraid."

I was still wary. "Why shouldn't I be a bit scared? I'm about to get into a car with a Santo."

"Two Santos."

"Cesar, that's different. You would never do anything to me."

"And neither would Joker. You really think I would want you to come if I thought it was dangerous? I know my brother can be a creep, but not all of the Santos are like that. They're still people." 

I didn't really know what to say to that. 

Luckily I didn't have to say anything, as 'Joker' pulled up, windows down, speakers blaring. "Yo Lil' Spooky , who's the hyna?"

I shot my friend a look. "Lil' Spooky?"

He ignored me. "Just a friend."

It wasn't long until we spotted Monse and Jamal. I was sitting in the back, tinted windows rolled up, They couldn't see me. Cesar motioned for our ride to slow down. "Hey! Where you headed?"

"Nowhere." It was obvious what they had just been talking about.

"Whatcha doing, Jamal?"

Monse elbowed the poor boy. "Decorating...Ruby's room!"

"So there's no scheming?" He further pressed.

"We're scheming."

"With color!" My sister jumped in. "Every good room rehab needs a color scheme."

We would both do all we could to keep them safe, including stopping them. "I know a lot about the color theory. Astor and I will come along to help." My sister stopped dead in her tracks. "You can drop us here, homie."

I opened the door and exited only to be met with a world class death glare, courtesy of Monse. "What the hell were you doing, hanging with a Santo?"

"Two Santos." I reminded her, shutting her up. "I was just getting a ride with Cesar." 

She was mad. Worried, but mad. It didn't help when Santo number two wrapped his arms around her and Jamal's shoulders. "Don't the both of you have to go tag something?"

Now that's just mean. I'm not that stupid. There were serious implications in that sentence. You don't kid about that shit.

"Nope." He said, shaking his head.

Soon we got to Ruby's and rang the bell. He stuck his head out the door. "We're here to feng shui your room!" Monse's words dripped with false glee. "That's why we're here."

"I don't have my own room, but..." He came outside. "I have a boner. My cousin just moved in."

I looked at him with disgust. "Dude, you're nasty."

His eyes got wide. "Not like my cousin cousin, like 'What's up cuz?'" He got confused stares all 'round. "You know, like fam, but not fam."

"Like if you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family." I could damn near hear Cesar's smirk.

"Exactly!...No. No, not exactly. There's no blood relation. There is no inbreeding."

It was my turn to smile. "If you're talking about yourself, then there's no breeding, period."

"Not right now, no. But it won't be long until I join you in the ranks of the experienced."

"That's big talk for a small guy. Dream on." I really did enjoy our banter. 

"Just call me Ruben. I go by Ruben now."

"Ruby!" Geny yelled, coming outside. "Ruby. Ruby."

He turned to her. "Ruben."

She crossed her arms, looking annoyed. "Aren't you forgetting something?" A beautiful girl walked out the door. She looked about our age. "Guys, this is Olivia. She's staying with us for a little while. Okay?"

She stood there awkwardly while the boys stared. "Is it me, or did things just get weird?"

"It's you. I'm Monse. This is Jamal, Cesar, and Astor." She said, pointing to us each in turn. "Ignore the stares, the boys haven't been neutered." 

Olivia laughed at that.

"Jamal, why don't you tell Olivia what you didn't do to your neck?" She pulled Ruby aside. "Ruby, can we discuss our chem assignment?" My sister led him away.

Jamal began talking at a mile a minute pace about the horrors of football, while Cesar lifted his shirt up to pretend to brush sweat off his forehead. He gave both her and I a nice view of his abs. The fucker was flexing, trying to impress her. Bastard. Why the fuck is he flirting with her?What's his problem? He's got me.

She laughed at something Jamal said and the other two rejoined our group. "I'm saving Cesar!" The short boy yelled. Conversation stopped. 

I glared at Monse and mouthed, 'We need to talk.'

***

The minute we were home I turned on her. "What the fuck were you thinking?! Sending Ruby to hash it out with Oscar! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"

"Of course I do! We're only doing it because you convinced Cesar that staying a Santo is a good thing."

"I convinced him? I convinced him?! What the hell does that mean?" I yelled standing toe-to-toe with her.

"You're the one who keeps telling him our plan is going to fail!"

"Because it is! You're an idiot if you can't see that! You can't get 'out' once you're in! Any attempt is suicide! I'm just being safe and trying to keep everyone out of trouble!"

She laughed. "You keeping everyone safe? You're not safe. You're name is synonymous with trouble. Think about it Astor, I'm not the one palling around and getting rides from Santos."

That was it. She'd gone too far. "FUCK YOU MONSE!" I threw my fist against the wall, punching through it. I turned and left.

***

When I reached the Diaz house, Cesar was in his usual spot on the bagged out couch. He could evidently see I was upset. "Astor?" He was surprised. "Do you want to go inside?" 

I nodded. Luckily there must have been a record breaking low number of Santos in the yard and Oscar was nowhere to be seen. We quickly went to his room. I flopped front first on to his bed, held a pillow to my face, and screamed. 

"What happened?"

I was still spread eagle, face down. "I got into a huge fight with Monse. I think I sprained my knuckles, too." Came my muffled reply.

He gingerly inspected my throbbing hand. It was already starting to bruise. "Jesus, what did you do, punch through a wall?"

"Yep."

"That was supposed to be a joke."

He left for medical supplies, of which he had a plethora. I could guess why. He put an ice pack on my hand to bring the swelling down. "So...do you want to talk about it?" He asked awkwardly.

"No. Can I stay here tonight?"

"Yeah. You're always welcome here." 

After a while Oscar returned from whatever it was he was doing, and Cesar left to talk with him. I sat up and gazed around his room. He had put up some zigzag designs in duck tape on the walls, that was new. Everything else was the same. Same old skateboard trucks for hanging things, same old graffiti style paint job on the back wall from before Cesar was born and the room had been Oscar's. Even my fuck you note was still on the wall. I pulled off my form fitting t-shirt and helped myself to one out his dresser. It was loose and baggy on me and smelled like him. 

He came back shortly afterwards. "I set up a meeting with Oscar for Ruby tomorrow morning. You were right, it doesn't matter if I condone it or not, they're gonna do it any way. Ruby's the best pick anyway, My brother respects Mario, he won't hurt him. Probably."

"Wow. Comforting." I said sarcastically. "Does Ruby know about this arrangement?"

"Oh." The thought hadn't occurred to him. "I'll call him." He sat down on the bed, and dialed the number. I snuggled up next to him and put my head on his shoulder. He put the phone to his ear as Ruby picked up. "Hey, Ruby? You know your guys' plan about talking to Oscar? You know I'm not blessing this, but Monse won't relent. And she absolutly cannot be the one to do it. I think Oscar will go easiest on you, especially given his respect for Mario...I mean he probably won't hurt you...Do it before school...Tomorrow. He's expecting you. Don't be late. Goodnight." He put the phone down and sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the wall.

"Hey. He'll be fine." I comforted him. I leaned up and gave him a kiss. "Are you okay going to bed now? I'm pretty tired."

He nodded. "Yeah, me too." He gave me a chaste kiss.

There was a knock at the door. "Y'all better be decent." It opened, showing Oscar. "Keep it down if you're gonna do freaky shit. Mi Morra is coming." He was about to shut the door, but stopped, as if waffling on weather he should say something or not. He decided to. "I heard about what the bitches are saying about you." With that he left.

I was confused. "What was that about?"

"As close to 'I'm sorry' as you're gonna get from him."

"Oscar's not nearly as heartless and bad as he pretends to be, is he?"

Cesar laughed. "No, he's not. He's definitely has his total creep moments, but he's not as evil as everyone thinks. It's like I said earlier today. Just 'cause someone's a Santo, it doesn't make them a different species. They're still human."


	6. The Consequences Of Being A Honey Badger

It was the morning after my fight with Monse. I sat on the front steps of Cesar's house, waiting for him to come out. She came walking down the street with Olivia. After having a night to cool off and think about it, I honestly felt bad about losing it on her and knew that I should apologize. It wasn't completely my fault, but I way overreacted. The front door slammed as Cesar came out. "Monse! Can I talk to you?"

She turned to Olivia. "Give me a sec, I'll catch up."

Thank God she's not still steamed. "So, I just want to say-"

My sister went right past me, completely ignoring my existence. "Hey, Cesar."

He seemed a bit taken aback by her cold shoulder towards me, but answered her nonetheless. "What's up?"

"Ruby can't be the one to talk to Oscar. He's the wrong messenger."

"No one should talk to Oscar, but he's the best of the worst options."

"I could-"

"No!" I yelled cutting her off. I didn't want her to get hurt. Monse may be really good at school and stuff like that, but I'm definitely the street smart half of our duo.

Cesar nods. "Astor's right, Oscar doesn't do badgering."

She took offence to that. "I do... How am I badgering? I don't badger. Give me an example of how I've done that and when I've done that before? You can't, can you?"

"Olivia!" He called. "Wait up!"

I looked at her, upset. "If you're gonna ignore me, then I'm joining them." I ran over to the other two. 

Monse decided to walk by herself, a block and a half behind us. The remainder of our journey to the school was filled with me and Cesar explaining about Freeridge and the high school, and Olivia telling us about Huston and what it was like. I wasn't sure what to think when I first met her, she looked like a real girly girl, or one of those people who pretend to be cool, but the minute they get a whiff of popularity you might as well be gum on the bottom of their floral-printed flats. However, I was beginning to think she was actually chill, and not just some flake. 

I wasn't sure what she would do when she found out about my rep, but I figured it would be better if she heard it from me. "So, Olivia, just a heads up, everybody thinks I'm a total slut who spends all her free time getting boned by random dudes at Pimp Lane. I'm not. I let this one really nasty guy do me at a party, that's it."

"You're not a slut. Got it."

"I also said we smashed." Added Cesar. I shot him an unimpressed look.

She looked a little uncomfortable. "Um...okay."

"But the whole school believes it, and don't want to talk to me. If you're friends with me you might be lowkey shunned. So if you want me to back off at school I-"

She cut me off. "Look, I don't know what did, or didn't happen this summer, but I just got here, and I don't judge people based on gossip. You've got a clean slate with me."

"Cool." Olivia might well be one of the few actually decent people I've met.

***

Once at school Monse rejoined us, though still refusing to acknowledge my existence. We were all anxiously awaiting Ruby's return, hopefully on his own two legs and not in a body bag, or an ambulance. I paced back and forth, running my hands through my slightly wild hair. 

"I did it! I did it!" The short boy yelled as he ran up to our small group. I think we all breathed a collective sigh of relief. "I mean, it's done. I rocked that talk hard! And for a guy named Spooky, he's surprisingly jovial."

Jamal turned to him, still wearing the neck brace from his 'football injury'. "Wait, are you serious Ruby?"

"Ruben." He corrected. "And yes. Cesar's out the gang. Boom. Killed it."

Cesar, who had been checking a text looked up. "You did kill it. You killed it so hard that I got promoted."

You could see his pride drain from his face, only to be replaced by guilt. "No. Spooky and I had an understanding."

"I just got a text, gonna start running for the Santos." He explained. 

I felt my stomach drop. I knew everything just unraveled a bit more.

So did Ruby. "No. No, no, no. That can't be true. He must be joking." He was distraught and looked as if he was about to cry.

"Compa, I love you for trying, but like I said, this deal is done. And I don't blame you. I blame Monse."

"Me?!" She whipped around.

"Yeah, you're the instigator and the fricken' honey badger. You don't quit. But now you have to. No more. We're done." 

I agreed with him, but I thought Cesar was perhaps a tad on the harsh side, though he had the right to be. The plan Monse masterminded did just get him promoted.

"So is 'Ruben.' I'm not man enough to bear that name." He left with his head hanging low, closely tailed by Jamal, in efforts to lift his spirits.

We both gave my sister disappointed expressions. 

"Don't you two look at me like that. This wasn't a one-woman show. We all came up with the plan."

"I know it was you. All you." Cesar stated.

She opened her mouth to speak.

I cut her off before she could start. "No, Monse, all three of us know that Ruby and Jamal would have never tried something like this. You really fucked it up this time."

Olivia, who had left to get her schedule returned. She was not in the need to know group about Cesar's current dilemma. "What's wrong with Ruby?"

"He's fine. He's just still bummed out he had to give up his room." My sister lied.

We all resumed glaring at each other, leaving the poor girl confused. "Did I interrupt something?"

She continued to lie. "Nope, nothing. Sorry not trying to be weird."

"But she can't help it." I added. "So, after school do you wanna hang?" I asked changing the conversation.

"Oh, I'm going over to Monse's."

"Well, what a coincidence! So am I."

Monse gave me a confused look, as if saying 'what are you trying?'

"You are?"

"Yup, I go home most days after school. I guess I forgot to mention me and Monse are twins."

"Cool to have you along then."

"I'd be happy to join." Cesar added.

My sister crossed to Olivia. "It's kind of a girl thing."

He wore a shit eating grin. "Oh. Can I watch?"

I whacked his arm. "Come on, we should be getting to class.

***

It was after the last class and I was waiting for Monse and Olivia. Cesar had decided to join me before getting picked up by the cholo of the day. "So, will you come over tonight?"

"You mean, like stay over again? 'Cause I think I'm gonna stick with my house. I really do have to talk to Monse, plus, everyone's gonna start noticing if I'm always staying the night at your house."

"No, I mean just come over and hang out for a while."

I raised an eyebrow and put my uninjured hand on my hip. "And why the sudden need to hang out with me?"

"Because I enjoy your company?" He tried.

"Or is it because you're a horny teenager?"

He smirked. "Maybe a bit of both."

I laughed.

"Did you know I'm clairvoyant?"

I was a bit surprised and confused by the sudden change of topic. "What?"

He smirked and closed his eyes, putting his fingers on his temples. "I foresee you saying you're never having sex as long as you live in the near future, then you'll show up at my house in five or six hours."

"No!" I protested. "Yesterday I was true to my word."

"You still showed up at my house." He said, elbowing me.

"Shut up."

Cesar smirked. "So I'll see you at my window sometime between seven and ten." 

"Nope. I'm not that much of a creature of habit. I can be true to my word, y'know."

"Sure." He said, with that stupid grin plastered across his face.

"It's not gonna happen."

"Okay."

I was starting to get annoyed. I crossed my arms. "Wouldn't act so confident. I could go with another dude if I felt like it. Don't flatter yourself."

He raised an eyebrow. "Maybe next time I'll see if Olivia wants to hang."

The conversation might have escalated into a larger argument, but the two girls I was waiting for walked out from behind the back of the building. "Speak of the devil. See you tomorrow, Cesar."

"See you later, Astor." He mocked.

I gave him the middle finger before turning and running over to the other two girls.

***

Olivia didn't end up staying for long. We didn't really do all that much except for talk about Freeridge and our friend group. I was surprised she stuck around for as long as she did, what, with all the glares going on between me and Monse. After about an hour she figured it wasn't going to get better. "Hey, it's been really cool hanging out with you guys, but I think I should be going. I'm kinda getting the feeling that you two have some stuff to work out. I'm gonna go back to Ruby's, I have to talk with him about something too."

"Well, I hope you like it here." Monse said.

I gave my two fingered salute. "See ya."

As soon as she closed the front door behind her, my sister was already on her way to hide out in her room.

"Monse! Wait." I grabbed her arm. "I need to talk to you."

She spun around. "I don't have anything to say to you, so let me go. I have stuff to do. I don't care if you and Cesar can't see it, but he needs help, and if nobody else is gonna do it than it has to be me."

She tried to jerk her arm away, but I held on. "No. Stop. I need to talk to you. Please just hear me out."

"Fine. What is it?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lose it on you yesterday. I'm upset about the whole Cesar thing and I took it out on you, so I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to convince him to stay in the gang or anything like that. Honest to God, I wish he wasn't. But he is. There isn't an easy way out, I'm just so mad I'm not able to do anything about it." 

"Then help me! We can get him out. Manipulation didn't work, so we move onto money. We can get jobs, or start a fundraiser at school, or-"

I put both hands on her shoulders, cutting her short. "Monse, stop." She shut up. "You need to stop this. It's done. No one can just get out." She opened her mouth to speak, but I put up a finger, signaling for her to be quiet. "You're not hearing me, and you're not hearing Cesar. Don't you think this whole thing is hard enough for him without you amping it up?"

She sighed. "We didn't mean to make it worse, and we can get him out. We'll just have to try harder."

"I know you mean well, but it's time to drop it. You can't make it better. You're only gonna push him away by trying. And right now, we need Cesar, and Cesar needs us. If you don't cut it out, it'll be like Latrelle all over again."

She looked at the ground. I could tell she was trying to keep her self under control. What I said had hit a little to close for comfort. And that was why you weren't going to bring it up. Nobody wants to reopen old wounds. I understood why Monse was so adamant on getting Cesar out, we all did, it's just that none of us wanted to admit how similar the situation was. 

Latrelle was a year older than us, but he had been our friend. So close he had been like family. That is, until he got jumped into the Prophets two years ago. We knew why he did it, his dad just died and he needed the money to help raise his little sister. That hadn't stopped it from creating a rift in the crew. We all tried to get him out, especially Monse. All it did was drive him away, he understood there was no out, he had made his choice and there was no backing out. We tried to maintain our friendship, but it became harder as he got roped in deeper. Soon he wasn't able to hang with Cesar, that was when we really started to drift. We could barely be called friends by the time he got sent to juvy, and when he got out we didn't even know him and he was just another asshole taking our money.

I glanced at Monse to see her shoulders shaking as she cried. Just another great reason why I shouldn't have brought it up. I hugged her. "Hey, don't cry. It'll be okay."

"I'm just so scared it'll turn out the same way the whole thing with Latrelle did. He's already mad at me and it won't be long until he hates me. Just like how it happened before. And this time it's my fault he got promoted." The tears rolled down her face.

"Don't say that. Were you the one who called for him to move up, or pressured him into joining a gang in the first place? No. It was Oscar. If you have to blame someone, blame him.

"I hold some blame too, I've been the one who was badgering everybody."

I sighed. So that's why she's real upset and sorry. He did get through to her. "Is that what you're beating yourself up about? About that shit we said earlier today? Me and Cesar didn't really mean that."

"It sounded like you did."

"Come on, Monse. We were just a bit upset, I'm sure he's over it. It was a heat of the moment kind of deal, the both of us said things that we didn't mean."

She looked up, sniffling a bit. "Really?"

"Yeah, for sure. None of us realized we hurt you so much." I spread my arms. "Want a hug?"

She nodded and wrapped her arms around me, taking comfort in the gesture.

***

I paced outside Cesar's window, debating whether I should knock or not. I was waging war in my head. I promised myself I wouldn't! I have to show self restraint. But I need to tell him about Monse, she's really upset. It'll be just as easy to tell him tomorrow, I'm only making excuses. What if he wasn't joking earlier today? What if he really does like Olivia? We should talk about that. Wow I'm pathetic, really just grasping at straws, I can't go in, Cesar will win!

"Need something?"

I stopped, my internal monologue disrupted. He stood by his window, leaning against the frame and shirtless. "Nope, just enjoying the view."

He smirked. "You're not so bad yourself." 

I saw where he was looking and mentally cursed myself. Shit! Now he's gonna think he won. "No, you idiot. I didn't mean it like that."

"So you were talking about the random crap covering my backyard."

I really did not think this one through. "Sure?"

He raised his brows skeptically.

"Fine. I just wanted to say that it wasn't just Monse, she's pretty upset now." I explained.

"Okay. I'll talk to her tomorrow."

"And she's not a honey badger."

"Got it."

I had to admit, he looked good, so of course I floundered to keep the awkward conversation going. I blame hormones. I swear to God they have it out for me. "You sure you've got it?"

"Yup. Apologize to Monse tomorrow." He affirmed. "Is that all you came for, 'cause it would have been easier to just tell me that in the morning."

"It was really important."

"Nothing else you want to tell me? It wouldn't be about Olivia, would it? Y'know she's really pretty." He had that stupid 'I win!' look on his face.

I was speechless. 

"Goodnight then." Cesar closed the window.

"Wait!" 

He turned back to look at me, grinning while he pulled on a black tank top and left the room.

Fuck it. Who gives a shit if he wins. I ran around the house to the front door and banged on it. 

He opened it. "Yes?" His hair was messed up from pulling on the shirt, and it flopped down. I honestly thought it looked way sexier that way.

I grabbed the front of his tank top and drew him towards me, our lips smashing together. His arms wrapped around my waist and I pressed against his chest, my hands raking through his already messy hair. Cesar picked me up and we quickly made our way to his room. 

Once inside I wasted no time in removing his shirt. My hands roamed over his chest and back as he moved down to my neck, making me gasp. That was definitely going to leave a mark. I felt my shirt being lifted and I raised my arms to have it off. We backed towards his bed and I fell onto the covers, pulling him with me. He chuckled, leaning over me, supporting his weight on his elbows. One of his legs was between mine and I could feel how much he wanted me. I arched my hips up against his and he moaned. I reached for the button of his shorts. 

"Are you sure you want to? 'Cause earlier it didn't seem like..."

"I want to." I finished messing with the fastening and dragged down the zipper. Again I pressed against him.

He pulled back and stood up. "Wait, stop for a second."

"What's wrong?"

"Grabbing a condom."

Shit! I damn near forgot. "Y'know, you should really just keep some in here."

"Got it."


	7. Introducing Cornrows

The next three weeks were great. Me and Monse had gotten past our differences and went back to being our usual duo. I was so glad we weren't fighting anymore, and that she had finally just accepted that Cesar was a Santo, we all had. It also turns out that my first feelings about Olivia were correct. She was pretty cool. It was awesome to have a girl friend that wasn't related to me, plus, she was just a generally nice person. Then there was Cesar. We had become less and less discrete, honestly it was a true miracle nobody had guessed what was going on yet. We were planning to tell them at homecoming, well, more show them. Cesar had his heart set on a slow dance and I wasn't completely against the idea. As much as we had our reasons for keeping us a secret, I was starting to feel like I was a terrible friend, keeping this for so long. In other words, everything was coming up roses.

I couldn't wait for homecoming. Monse could. It was the day of, and I was still trying to get her to go. "Come on, Monse! It's our first high school dance. You can't just skip out."

"Yes I can, and will."

We were walking to school alone today, making this my final chance to convince her. "Give me one good reason not to go."

"Remember when we just got back this summer and we were still mad at Cesar?" She asked.

"Yeah." I was unsure of where this was going.

"And y'know when we were about to go talk with him?" She could see I wasn't connecting the dots. "Jamal was there." Still nothing. She gestured to her boobs. "Cha-cha-bingos?"

It clicked. "You mean when he was being a dick and asked me to sit on his face."

"Yes. And what you said there applies to this situation too."

I wracked my brain. I thought I was pretty quiet that day. "What did I say?"

She was slightly exasperated. "That having boobs changes the playing field."

"You don't want to go to the dance 'cause you have breasts now."

"Exactly." She said it like it should make perfect sense.

"I don't get it."

"Well other guys might notice me now."

I still failed to understand. "And that's a problem because?"

"What if they want to dance with me?"

"Why is that a bad thing?"

She took a deep breath. "Well what if a guy comes up and asks me to dance. Let's say we do and I real like him. Then what if he likes me and we end up dating? It could break apart the fam!"

I gave her an unimpressed look. "That was a whole lotta 'what ifs'. Plus, if you started dating a dude, it wouldn't break up 'the fam.'" I said with air quotations. "I think it would be good if you dated a guy, maybe you'd be a little less high strung."

"Since when am I high strung?"

I rolled my eyes. "Get real, Monse. You're almost as bad as Ruby." We had reached the school. She opened her mouth to reply, but I stopped her. "Sorry, gotta bounce. I need to find Cesar before class. See you at lunch! And Monse? Come to the dance."

"Whatever."

I ran off, giving her a two finger salute. I think I might have convinced her a little bit. Just maybe.

I walked around the school in search of a Cesar, dodging cliques of teens as I waded through the crowded hallways. Suddenly I felt a hand wrap around mine and I was jerked to the side. I was pulled into a storage closet, the door closing behind me. I immediately knew it was him and giggled. One hand was on my waist the other by my head, as he kissed me, pushing me up against the back wall.

"Good morning to you too." I said when we broke apart.

"Very good morning."

I laughed at this and pulled him back down as the announcements started. He stumbled a bit, also grinning, meeting me half way and pressing his chest against mine. I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss and felt Cesar's tongue quickly dart in. My hands were in his hair while his went under my shirt and began to explore my sides and back. 

Sadly humans need oxygen, and we separated, both a bit breathless. The announcements were still droning on, not that I was paying attention. We moved away from the wall and we backed up against the sole chair in the room. I urged Cesar down, then straddled him. I moved my hips against him a bit and he groaned. I pulled his shirt up and he quickly complied. He dived for my neck, kissing and sucking on it. Shit! I can't let the gang see I have a hickey. I hastily moved down two recapture his lips, inadvertently grinding even more against his growing bulge, causing him to moan loudly.

"Shh! Someone will hear us." I whisper shouted, while almost jumping off him.

"You can't do that if you want me to be quiet. Almost everybody's in class anyway."

I face palmed. "Ms. Mendoza already hates me. She's gonna kill me for being late."

He reached out to grab my hand. "Just a few more minutes." 

"She'll be pissed if I'm not there in the very near future. We'll miss the notes if we're late."

Cesar gave me a look. "Astor, you can't expect me to go to class like this." He said, drawing my gaze southerly. He's right about that.

"Fine, but I gotta go, she'll give me detention if I'm too late. Wait here for a few minutes, Teach won't give you a second thought. It's no fair, she loves you. You could probably walk in halfway through class blasting Metallica while juggling flaming kittens, and she wouldn't notice."

He gave me a strange look and put his shirt back on. "Just wait a sec." He played with my hair, fixing it over my neck. 

"They're gonna see, and boy, that'll be an awkward conversation with Monse. We were gonna wait until tonight."

"You're hair hides it, you can't even see."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." Then I noticed his messed up do. "Speaking of hair, I would suggest finding a mirror."

"Thank's for the heads up, I almost forgot. Want to skip sixth period? We've already finished the project, and Mr. Morrison has a sub today. We won't miss anything." He said standing up.

"Sounds good to me. See you in class." I gave him a quick kiss and hurried out the door.

***

"Olivia only sees me in a certain way. To her, I'm 'Inside Ruby,' the guy she's forced to live with and buy underwear for. Tonight, I got to show her that I can be 'Outside Ruben,' the guy who not only knows how to make killer chilaquiles, but can sexify a lady on the dance floor. Tonight, I will redefine our relationship." Ruby said with conviction. I had ditched Monse and was standing in line with the boys. I got tired of her constant complaining.

Awesome. Happy for you. So, while you, Cesar, and Astor are getting sexified on the dance floor-" Jamal was cut off. 

I gave a laugh."That's not what I'll be doing." 

Cesar smirked at me. "Oh, I really doubt that." I gave him a Shut the fuck up! look. 

"Whatever." The 'injured' boy continued. "I just wanna know where I am in this situation."

Ruby shrugged. "I don't know." 

"Aha! Exactly! Because all three of you always forget about me!" 

"We don't forget you."

"We ignore you." I whacked him lightly. "Astor! Watch the hair, woman!"

"You gotta leave the cane at home, dude." 

"Not a cane. It's a pimp stick." 

"Even worse." Cesar mumbled. 

Jamal was a bit irate. "Hey, do I crap on your accessories? No. Do I think necklaces are tacky on dudes? Yes. But I keep that to myself. So you keep doing you with that tacky chain, and I'm gonna roll with my pimp stick that I need for my foot injury." He lifted his leg to demonstrate.

"That isn't real." He pointed out. 

"Why you got to neg me?" 

"Relax." Ruby tried to calm the tension. "No one's gonna neg or forget you tonight, 'cause this ain't eighth grade anymore, boys. It's no 'timid hands off.' It's all 'confident hands on.' 'Cause tonight everyone's gonna let loose. That's why you gotta have protection on the ready. One minute you're dancing next to some rando girl, the next, you're getting up and into your new girlfriend." 

I gave him a disgusted face. "Ruby, you're gross."

"Trying not to get the herp." Jamal said, popping the 'p'. 

"Come on." 

"Hey, thirty nine percent of all cases come from school-sanctioned events. CDC doesn't lie." 

Ruby, otherwise known as the incredibly horny, chose to get the conversation back on track. "Like I said, a relationship can be made and redefined by one sexy jam." 

With all the talk about how much a single dance mattered, I was starting to get a bit nervous. "You really think a slow dance can redefine a relationship?"

"Where have you been." The boy to my right deadpanned.

"Dances aren't about dancing. They're about making statements. Positive statements. Plus, they hired DJ Snigglebottoms! He almost played Coachella, so he's obviously fire." 

"I don't know, man. I just don't know if one dance matters that much." It looked like Cesar had feelings similar to my own. 

"Okay. What about Sylvia and Jesus, huh?" He pointed to a couple smooching across the courtyard. They were pretty cute. "They barely knew each other last year before the fall dance. She was all over him. Then they both fell in love...Look at them. They're so ride or die."

Ruby had me convinced. I gazed over at Cesar. "Tonight could be a game changer."

We sat down and were momentarily joined by Monse and Olivia, both of whom we wearing strange looks. There was a very awkward silence. "I'm wearing indigo tonight. I thought we should claim colors to avoid outfit clashes. Indigo? Any objections? Oh, and my pants have red pockets. I know, it sounds weird, but it works."

Olivia looked worried. "What are the pockets for? Roofies?" What the fuck? We all gave her strange looks. 

"So, what time should we meet?" Cesar said, attempting a second ice breaker. 

"Yeah, let's get that in the books. The more specific, the better. What are you guys thinking, like 8:00? 8:05? 8:10?" 

Both girls opposite us still seemed uncomfortable. "I'm gonna play it by ear. I'm not sure I'm feeling it."

"What? Why?" The shorter boy voiced the thoughts running through my head. 

"Not sure I'm in the mood to be objectified. If I want to see boners, I'll just go online." I raised an eyebrow. Whoa. where did that come from? 

"Didn't you hear Principal Sarge?" Jamal said. "The dance is a no-bone zone." 

My sister finally spoke up. "Are you kidding? Dances are cesspools of bad behavior. I don't want to go."

Ruby looked like a five year old who had just been told Christmas was canceled. "Yeah, people get freaky, but what's wrong with getting freaky? I don't get it." 

"Yeah, explain it to us, Monse. Why don't you wanna go?" I asked.

"Maybe we're just not in the mood."

Then LA's smartest idiot just had to open his mouth. "Oh, is it your menses?" 

"Her what?" The girls across the table glared, while I almost started laughing. The way he said it was hilarious.

He didn't get the hint. "Her lady pond has runneth red."

"Lady pond?" Oh man, is he gonna get it.

"What? What am I saying wrong?" He was truly oblivious. I guess ignorance does not always make for bliss.

"Everything!" The both yelled before Monse took over. "You guys don't understand what it's like to be a woman and treated like an object. We have hearts!" 

"And minds. So, take out any question that we're going tonight. The answer is no. With a period, 'cause that's what it's actually called." 

"Olivia, let's go dine in a less hostile environment." My sister got up with Olivia following the suit. 

"You read my mind." 

They exited leaving us very confused. I was the first to speak. "What just happened?"

"How should I know? I thought you were our unofficial representative, to, y'know, translate all the mixed messages and signs so normal guys can understand?" Ruby said.

"I think I accidentally left my hand book at home, because I don't have a clue what just went down."

***

Cesar and I skipped out on sixth period. The bell had just rung and we were about to leave the storage room when I spotted Monse talking to some dude with cornrows. It was obvious she liked him and visa versa. "Cesar, look! I think Monse's about to get asked to the dance." We both crowded around the tiny window in the door, gazing on in fascination. The kid awkwardly asked her something to which she nodded vigorously, a massive grin across her face.

"No way. She said yes. What a hypocrite." He said.

"This is a good thing. I've been trying to get her to come for days. Now she just says yes to some guy? I'm very interested in who Cornrows is."

We waited until Monse and her mystery boy had passed before we exited the closet. Right in front of Olivia who just happened to be in sixth period health class. She took in our slightly messy hair. "Oh my God. Were you just-"

"No! No, no, no. We were in the closet because we didn't want to get caught skipping class." I lied. She gave me a strange look, but didn't question my hasty explanation. 

"I think I should get to class." There was an air of awkwardness between the three of us.

"Olivia, wait! You're still coming over, even though you and Monse aren't going to the dance, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, as far as I know."

I smiled. "Perfect." My dear sister will probably need help to get ready for the dance, and Olivia is the best person to help me convince her to dress up.

***

While we walked back to our house, I waited impatiently for Monse to tell Olivia she would, in fact, be attending homecoming. They continued to chat about non-dance related things. Eventually there was a pause in the conversation and she went for it, attempting to hide her excitement. "We should go to the dance." 

She was completely caught off guard. "What? Why?" 

"Because we can't let them win." Monse lied. I snorted, trying to hold back my laughter. 

"No way. We need to stand our ground." Olivia stated with conviction. 

She scoffed. "Which is why we can't sit at home." Monse argued. "We have to go." 

The other girl wasn't sure. "I'm totally confused."

"Yeah, Monse." I added. "I've been trying to convince you all week. Why the sudden change of heart?" I was hoping she would come clean. I really needed the 411 on Cornrows. 

Instead she had to disappoint. "We're falling prey to the obvious argument, which is that we have to sit out to make a point. But the point is, we go. If we don't, they win." 

"Still confused. How are they winning?" Asked Olivia. I had to agree, Monse wasn't making much sense. 

"By repressing us! By staying home, it's like they're putting us in emotional burkas, giving us no choice." My sister sighed, annoyed at her friend's lack of understanding. 

Suddenly she seemed to have a mental lightbulb. "I get it. We need to shed the burkas and flaunt the boobs." She totally bought into Monse's crap. Olivia is great, but she may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer. Not that I'm much better.

"Yes!"My sister agreed. "Our body, our choice." 

"We have to go. And look sexy." She giggled. 

My sister turned pointing at her. "But not for them, for us." 

"So, I'm dressing for you."

"And I'm dressing for you." Once I figure out how to look sexy. It's a good thing you know me.

I rolled my eyes. "Y'all can be sexy for each other all you want, but I'm defiantly dressing up for dudes."

Monse looked at the ground. "First I have to figure out how to look sexy."

I laughed at that. "Sorry Sis, do you not see who you're walking with? On your left you have the lovely Olivia, a fashion and makeup expert, as well as one of the sexiest girls in the school, and on your right you have none other than moi, who's name is infamous throughout the school for one thing, sex. If we don't know how to be sexy, then I don't know who does." Both girls thought this was quite funny. "Come, young padawan. Much training you have. Learn the ways of the sexy, you must." I croaked, imitating Yoda. An old lady watering her flowers gave me a strange look as we passed. "Really. We've gotta get ready. Olivia, can you grab your stuff and meet us at our house?"

"Yup, see you in like, half an hour, forty minutes."


	8. Busted!

The moment the door slammed behind Olivia as she went into the Martinez house, I pounced on Monse, brimming with questions. "Who's Cornrows?"

She looked at me, confused. "What?"

"The guy you were talking with? After sixth period? Y'know, black tank top, jeans, about 5'10, totally rocking dude braids."

"You mean Angel Ruiz? He's in my science class."

"Hmm, interesting. He couldn't possibly be the reason behind your sudden change of heart towards school dances, could he?"

She scoffed. "No."

I gave her a completely unconvinced look. "You are a terrible liar. Now fess up."

"When we get home." 

"Fine." I agreed. Her pace immediately slowed from normal walking speed, to a meandering stroll. "You're stalling." I complained.

"Yes, yes I am."

It only took us another maybe ten minutes to get home. Once we arrived I cornered her in her room and lay on my stomach on her bed. "Spill."

She opened her closet and began to look though her clothes. "I told you already, he's in my science class, we're lab partners."

I decided to lay on the theatrics. "I can imagine it as if I was there," I clasped my hands and batted my eyelashes. "your eyes meet over a dissected frog, stomach fluttering, heart racing-"

Monse jumped on me, covering my mouth. "Shut up. It's not like that." She said giggling. Her embarrassment filled me with slightly sadistic glee.

"Don't lie to me, Monse. I was spying on you guys and he totally asked you to the dance." I stated.

"You were spying on me?" She asked trying to derail the conversation.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes. But you can't say anything, you'd do the same if I was talking to some random dude. Now continue, minimum levels of bullshit, please."

"He asked me and I said yes." She finally admitted, unable to stop herself from smiling.

I sat up and let out a whoop. "Yeah Monse!"

She took a seat next to me still grinning. "It's not that big of a deal."

"Are you kidding? This is the first guy that's asked you out to anything since Luis Garcia in the third grade. This is a major life development. I need the deets."

"I'm pretty sure you saw exactly what happened. He asked me to the dance and I said yes. I don't know what else to tell you."

"Well, what's he like? Who're his friends? Where does he live? That sort of stuff."

She took a breath, thinking over her response. "We're only science partners, it's not like I've ever hung out with him or anything. I'm not really sure who his friends are, but I know he's half Puerto Rican, half Colombian and has a younger sister. That's about it."

I have to admit I was a bit disappointed with her lack of information. "That's it? Damn, I guess I'll have to do it the old fashioned way and interrogate the dude. Can't wait to meet him. By the way, when are you telling Olivia?"

Monse's eyes got wide. "Oh shit."

"Don't worry, I'll cover for you." I clapped her on the shoulder. "But I get to ask him questions without you butting in."

She mulled this over for a moment. I could practically see the cogs turning in her head, weighing the pros, that her friend wouldn't be mad at her, and the cons, that I could potentially mortify her and/or the boy she likes. "Deal."

***

Olivia arrived shortly, surprisingly with Ruby in tow. She had chosen a rather pink, frilly dress. I wasted no time in explaining that Monse had been asked last minute to the dance, keeping the details a bit hazy. Both of our guests seemed to buy it, and realized how important that she actually dress up. Now for the hard part, convincing my sister. She turned trying to get a better look at how the yellow dress she was wearing fit. "I look dumb." 

"Nah, you look more awkward than devoid of intellect." Ruby said, a little too honestly. Olivia and I glared at him. The three of us were on Monse's bed, trying to get her to wear something nice, except the only boy in our group kept saying stuff like that. "What? The dress looks great! It's just, she looks awkward in it." 

I put my arm around his shoulders. "You know how some people are really good at saying the right thing at the right time?" 

"Yeah." 

"You aren't one of those people."

He snorted. "You're not either."

"I'm a hell of a lot better at it than you, I just prefer to be a bitch and give no fucks. It's easier." 

He opened his mouth to respond, only to be cut off by Olivia. "Let's just agree you both kinda suck at being supportive. Let me give you some pointers, Ruby." She turned to address me. "I'm assuming you don't care." 

I pointed two fingers at her. "Bingo." She started schooling Ruby, while I got my phone out to text Cesar.

Astor Monses going to the dance. So are Olivia and Ruby

Cesar I had no doubt. Who's the guy?

Astor Some dude from her science class. Angel Guzman

Cesar Ohhh. I know him. Hes Sad Eyes little bro. That's why he looked so familiar

The wall guy at the beginning of summer? 

Astor Should I be worried?

Cesar Hes seemed okay when Ive met him

Astor Ive got the go ahead from Monse to interrogate him so it's all good. I gotta go. See you at the dance!

Cesar We ll be dancing sloooow 

"I need a new outfit." Monse grabbed some clothes on her bed while I put my phone down.

Olivia sighed in frustration. Then she spied something in the closet. "You know what would look good with that top? Heels." She got up from the bed and reached for My sister's Mom box.

Ruby and I rushed to stop her. "Don't open that!" I whisper yelled, hoping Monse wouldn't hear. The boy and I peered around the corner Scooby Doo style, heads one over the other. Seeing nothing we pulled back. "That's the only stuff she has of our mom's. It's sensitive for her, a story that I can't get into." 

Suddenly my sister reentered the room. "Grabbed the wrong one." 

Ruby gave an awkward laugh. "I hate when that happens." 

She quickly exited and I resumed telling the tale. "Okay, so our mom just up and ditched when we were two, and Monse's not over it. I don't understand why she cares so much. I don't even remember her, but you've gotta be all kinds of messed up to peace on your daughters and husband. As far as I'm concerned, we're better without her. But don't ever bring it up with Monse unless she-"

She came back to her room. "All right. Which one should I wear?" She was wearing a blue, velvety tank top and cutoffs. It was nice, but not what you would wear to a dance.

Olivia, ever the supportive went first. "I think they all looked good on you. Ruby?" 

The short boy shook his head furiously. "No, I'm not falling for this again." 

"Oh, come on. You can't leave her hanging. You just have to be honest and sensitive at the same time. It's really not that hard." 

"Fine." He agreed. "I think the one she's wearing now nicely accentuates her figure." 

Once again we looked at him, unimpressed. "You mean her boobs. Classy." 

"I can't win!" 

"Neither can I. Screw this. There's nothing different about this dance than any I've gone to before. Since I've worn jeans every other time, I'm wearing jeans and my good hoodie." Monse decided.

I grabbed her arm. "No, no, no. You are wearing something that's halfway decent. Give me a second to get something. Wait here." I went to my closet and began searching through my clothes. Come on! I know it's here somewhere. My fingers grazed scratchy lace. Yes! I snatched the dress and brought it back to where everyone was waiting, snagging a pair of black flats and my signature leather jacket along the way. Once it was a bit colder outside I practically lived in that jacket. I go into the room and hand the garments to her. "Try these."

She quickly returned wearing the clothes. The dress was periwinkle with a light grey, lace overlay. The skirt was flared and the neckline was rather modest. The leather jacket gave the look a bit of a more casual air. I thought she looked great.

"Okay, that actually looks good."

Monse glared at him. "Gee, thanks Ruby."

He threw his hands in the air. "I give up!"

Olivia turned to me. "So Astor, have you got your outfit all planned?"

"Yeah, I'll go get dressed." I soon came back wearing some fairly distressed, black cutoffs over fishnets and a tight red crop top. My maroon converse were on my feet. They stared at me.

"You look like a hooker. Really fitting in with the cosmetic aspect of the school slut."

"Way to be subtle, Ruby."

"It's true!" He defended.

I grinned. "Stop worrying, I'm not offended. And you're right. My logic is that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

He shook his head. "That idiom should not be applied in this situation."

"Please tell me you're not gonna start banging every guy who asks." Monse said.

My eyes grew wide. "No! God no. I just meant looks wise." They still were wearing expressions of utter shock. "Just forget it. Let's go to the dance."

***

Monse was messing with the jacket as we began to near the dance. "Don't be nervous. I'll be your boner blocker." Olivia assured. I had forgot she didn't know the exact truth about Angel.

We reached the school only to find the doors firmly locked and a crowd of annoyed teenagers. "What's happening? What is it?" Ruby asked, confused. 

Jasmine turned around to answer him. She was clearly pissed about the cancellation. "Some bullshit is what it is! They cancelled the dance because of a fight. Man, I mean, really? Two putas got into it in Life Skills yesterday, but we still managed to make souffles. A fight ain't nothin'!" 

Her friend piped up, filling in the details. "It wasn't just that. Some fool pulled out a gun." 

She didn't give a shit. "Who cares? It took me forever to get ready. I even shaved my chocha for this. And it was a two-man job." She smiled at Ruby in an attempt to look seductive. We all wore thoroughly disgusted expressions. 

"Hey, what's going on?" Cesar asked, putting a hand on my shoulder. 

"Dance got cancelled because of a gun. I was actually really excited about it. For once I'm actually really disappointed about missing the dance. It's too bad." 

"Yeah, it is too bad." 

I took a step closer to him and put my arms around his shoulders. "The night doesn't have to be a total waste. My dad is still gone." 

He grinned. "That is a great idea." 

Suddenly there was a shout. "Yo, Monse's dad's out of town, so party at Monse's!" It looks like My sister had met up with Cornrows. There was a cheer. 

I turned back to Cesar and shrugged my shoulders. "Next time. A party's still fun though, and now we can slow dance." He smiled and grabbed my hand, and we went to catch up with our friends.

***

It would have been better if homecoming hadn't been cancelled, but this was still pretty fun. I sat with Monse, Angel and Olivia. I was trying to find out more information about him, however I couldn't go into full interrogation mode with my sister right there. I hadn't really found out any new information. Then, by some miracle she stood up. "Hey I'm get refills, any of you want one?"

I shook my head, as did Angel. Olivia also popped up. "Yeah, I'll join you."

I watched them leave the room before turning on the kid. "Normally this is the overprotective older brother, or her dad's job, but we don't have any brothers and Dad isn't around much, so I'm the next best thing. As of now you are on probation. You fuck with her, then I'll break your face. Got it?" I put my fists up for emphasis.

He put his hands up. "Cool your jets, Rocky. I'm not gonna try anything, and you're kinda freakin' me out here. "

"What do you want with Monse?" I lowered my hands a little bit.

"I like her, okay? I just wanted to go to the dance with her." 

I felt someone come from behind and put their hands on mine, making me lower them. It was Cesar. "Hey, Angel. Mind if I borrow her?"

"Please, be my guest."

He took me to the side. "I told you he was fine. Why were you going all crazy on him?"

I shrugged. "Sorry."

"Whatever. You still up for a dance?"

I smiled. "I was born ready."

He took hold of my hand, only to have his phone buzz. He checked the messages and his face darkened. "Be right back." He went into my room and closed the door. I stood close to it and eavesdropped. "I counted it three times. Trust me, it's all there...I know. I don't want any problems either!" It sounded like his phone clicked off. 

I took a deep breath, preparing to confront him. I opened the door to see Cesar thumbing through a large amount of cash. "Where's that from?"

He quickly shoved it in his pocket and deflected my question. "Ready for our dance?"

"Are you fucking crazy carrying that around? You're gonna get yourself killed." 

"Don't worry about it." He walked towards me, and grabbed my waist. "Worry about this." He kissed me as we backed towards the bed, my legs hitting it, I flopped backwards. He got on top of me and I pushed against him, causing him to fall forward. I giggled and pulled him in to kiss him again. This time it was longer, I felt tingly as we moved against each other. I deepened the kiss, opening my mouth and slightly sucking on his bottom lip. His mouth moved from mine as he began to work his way down my jaw and neck. "I've wanted to do this since the moment I saw you looking like that."

"That-" I gasped as he sucked on my neck. "was the plan." My hands, which had been exploring under his grey shirt, took on a mind of their own. His shirt came off, and mine soon followed. He unhooked my bra, casting it off and his hands massaged my breasts. I gave a breathy moan. That felt really good. I recaptured his lips and arched up against him, feeling him through his jeans. He groaned and ground down against me. I undid button on his pants and urged them down, he quickly complied. I wasted no time in shedding my shorts and fishnets.

Then the door opened. Oh shit. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck! Did we really forget to lock the door? "Oh my God!" 

Cesar all but flew off of me, and I pulled the blankets up to cover myself. Olivia just stood there in the threshold of my room, utterly shocked. I was the first one to break the silence. "Could you...um...let us get dressed?"

She sprung back to life. "Oh. Yeah. Oh my God, I am so sorry." She closed the door behind her and we quickly put our clothes back on.

I opened the door and invited her back inside. "We probably owe you an explanation."

"That would be nice."

I took a deep breath an explained how Cesar and I hooked up the day before I left, but we didn't tell anybody because I had been with Latrelle not long before that. I didn't want to be labeled a slut, which obviously didn't work as Cesar claimed me, so his pedophilic brother wouldn't make a pass at me. We were going to tell everyone, but after they reacted really badly to the whole claiming shebang, we decided not to. We were gonna tell them tonight, sadly other circumstances arose. "Please don't tell anyone."

"Don't worry, I'm all about that lock and key, your secret's safe with me."

"Thank God. No offence, but it would be a nightmare if Monse knew I told you before her."


	9. Brentwood Or Bust

A month had passed, and true to her word, Olivia kept our secret. We had a few close calls when it came to getting caught, but still nobody knew and we hadn't told them yet. We meant to, but it was just never the right time. Monse was dating Angel, and I still wasn't sure how I felt about that. Monse was the more innocent one out of the two of us, it was my job to keep her safe. I wasn't sure what to think of the guy, but that was probably because I had started us off on the wrong foot in the first place. He had started hanging out with us more, and everyone else agreed he was cool, so I guess that's proof it was just me. Tonight, however, was Halloween and I was determined to put aside our differences for Monse. This was her first boyfriend, and I didn't wanna ruin that for her. The least I could do was try to get along with him. 

Halloween was one of my favorite holidays. In my mind it ranked just below Christmas, because really, what other times do you get to dress up as something weird, watch horror movies all night, and eat candy 'till you're sick? Sure, we didn't go trick-or-treating like other kids, but it was still a blast. Annual Halloween sit in here I come!

Cesar and I walked up to Ruby's door. I was dressed as Britney Spears, think 'Hit Me Baby One More Time'. In the seventh grade I had been totally obsessed with Britney Spears, embarrassing, I know. Still, I needed a quick costume, and this definitely worked. Cesar came as none other than Julius Cesar. He opened the door to Ruby's yelling "Shut in!" My sister, dressed as a lifeguard, was sitting with Angel, who appeared to be Rainbow Dash, while Jamal (a hospital patient) checked his phone behind them and Ruby the vampire paced.

"But I thought you were with Oscar." Angel sounded disappointed. The short boy seemed to sympathize.

I crossed my arms, sending him a death glare. "Good to see you too."

Ruby sighed. "No, it's fine. It's just...take a seat. Any seat." We moved for a sofa, only to have him jump in front of us. "Not the love seat. And don't block my scented candle." 

We sat next to Monse and the apparent brony, who piled a stack of pillows in between myself and him. "I thought friendship was magic." He ignored me.

"What do you think?" Olivia walked out of her room dressed as a cowgirl. 

"That looks nice." 

"So, when are we going out?" She asked.

We all looked up, surprised. "Never. Trick-or-treating in Freeridge is a no-go." 

"Why?"

Ruby patted the seat beside him. "You might wanna sit down. I'll be brief. In 2012, Prophets rolled up on us. Glocks to our heads and snatched our bags." She looked over at me and Cesar in shock. We nodded, confirming his story. "2013 we were kissing pavement all night. Caught in a drive-by. That night, we lost our candy and perhaps our innocence."

I tuned out the current monologue, instead turning to Angel. "Can we talk?" 

"I'm good." He dismissed.

I grabbed his arm, pulling him up and into the hall. "Look, I know I've been a complete bitch to you for the past month. And I know you didn't do anything."

"Great. Glad we're clear on that. Bye." He began to walk back.

I held my hand up. "Listen, I'm trying to apologize. I'm sorry, okay? I judged you without knowing you, and I shouldn't have. I was just worried about Monse."

"I get it that you're protective of your sister, but you've been horrible to me. I'm totally willing to try to get along for Monse's sake, but you've gotta show me that you're willing to meet me halfway here, and as much as I appreciate the olive branch, you can't just expect us to suddenly be cool." We walked back to the living room to find Jamal desperately trying to convince everyone we should go out to Brentwood for whatever reason. Angel spoke up in agreement. "You're right. We should go out. I'm feeling like this could be all of our last Halloween trick-or-treating. And frankly, it's feeling a little cramped in here. You feel me?"

"I vote for Brentwood. It's safe, rich, and I bet they've got full-size candy bars." He said, attempting to convince us. I was behind it. It would be fun to go out for a change. 

Ruby was distressed. "Shut-ins are tradition. And I ordered the pizza. Did I mention it's artisanal?" 

"Why can't we go somewhere else?" Olivia tried. 

Jamal cut in, whispering, "Brentwood." 

"There's gotta be other places." 

"Brentwood." 

"How about Brentwood?" 

I threw up my hands. "I'm down."

"Good call, Olivia." Cesar agreed 

"It's a bad call." He said before catching himself. "It's a great idea. It's just Brentwood's super far and we would have to take public transpo, which sucks." 

I rolled my eyes "You don't know that. You've never been on the train." 

"Sorry, guys, but I don't know how we'd even get there." 

Jamal's phone dinged. "All good. I got us a hook-up."

***

As it turned out, none other than Ruby's Abuelita was our 'hook up'. Before long the houses had gotten larger and the streets became filled with kids. We had arrived. Everyone piled out of the car with a call of, "Buena suerte!" from our chauffeur. 

Her grandson laughed. "We don't need luck. It's Brentwood. Nothing bad happens here."

"How about OJ? No offense, Jamal." 

"Oh, I'm good. We don't claim him." 

He turned to the woman in the car. "So, we should be ready around 10:00." 

"Good for you, but I have plans." She drove off, tires squealing.

"Ruby, I officially love your insane grandmother." I clapped him on the back before joining Cesar, slinging my arm around his shoulders. 

Monse looked around at the massive houses and over the top decorations. "We are not in Freeridge anymore."

"We've got lots of ground to cover, so to maximize candy efficiency, let's divide and conquer, then split our booty." Jamal suggested. 

"Great idea. Olivia and I will go this way. Meet back here around 10:00?" 

"Later." He said.

***

Monse and Angel opted to join Jamal, while me and Cesar went off on our own. It was obvious Ruby wanted to be alone with Olivia. We hadn't been out long, before I got a text from Olivia.

Olivia were at the party. u cant miss it. COME JOIN!

Astor see ya there

"Hey, Olivia just texted. Her and Ruby are at a party, probably the one we passed two blocks down. Wanna crash it with them?" I asked.

"Sure."

We walked in an were immediately surrounded by bodies on all sides. A song I didn't recognize was blasting, full volume and the house was full of teens dancing, drinking, and generally having a good time. "Monse sure was right. We are not in Freeridge anymore."

That comment atracted the attention of a bit more than slightly tipsy eavesdropper. "Yo! You guys are from Freeridge? That's dope!"

We gave her confused looks. "Um...okay."

"Hey! Astor! Cesar!" I saw Ruby making his way towards us with a plate of food. "Everyone here's so friendly. I told someone I was from Freeridge and got major props. Hood must be trending." He told us as he led us back to where Olivia was sitting. "Here are some napkins and lemon wedges." 

She smiled at him. "You're so thoughtful and always such a gentleman." 

"Gentleman, scholar, and a damn good swimmer too." I added, semi-sarcastically after seeing how hard he was trying to impress her.

She laughed. "Excuse me, it's time for my adventure to find the bathroom and wait in a long line." 

Once she had gone, he turned to me. "Okay, so thanks for propping me up." It seemed as though my sarcastic tone flew straight over his head. "Just a small note, the swimmer comment was a little much. Great intent, but a bit of a stretch. Think grounded." 

It was my turn to chuckle. "Point taken, Mr. Gentleman." 

"Ah, I know, right? Looks like this gentleman is gonna get his throat tickled." 

Cesar gave him a weird look. "Wrong euphemism, dude." 

"Um Who amongst us aced Gifted English?" He sassed. 

"It's 'among.'" 

Ruby waved his hand in a 'whatever' movement. "Among, amongst. One's a variant of the other. Oh, no, I totally zoned out on Jamal and Monse. Send them our location." 

We waited for several minutes and Olivia still wasn't back. I leaned into Cesar, putting my head on his shoulder, while our vampire paced. "What's taking Olivia so long?" 

My pillow shrugged. "She's dropping a deuce. Everybody poops." 

Ruby gave him a disgusted look. "What's wrong with you?" 

"What's up, locos?" Came a voice. I lifted my head and turned to see a teen in what was unmistakably a cholo costume. I felt Cesar tense up, and even though I knew the kid was just messing around, I felt uncomfortable. "I heard you're from the 'ridge too." His fake accent was atrocious. He flipped his hat forward to display the 'Freeridge' logo on it. "Yo, check it. Ah! Just clowning!" He laughed and attempted to throw a gang sign. "Yeah, I'm straight from B-Wood. Westside! So, what do you think of my fits? And my tat? It's pretty dope, right? Moms works in hair and makeup. I mean, it's like life imitating art and art imitating life, right?" I was officially disgusted and was about to give the bastard a piece of my mind before seeing Olivia had returned. 

"Hey." She greeted the wannabe. 

"Hey. Where'd you get that?" He asked pointing to the bottle of juice she had in her hands. 

"From the fridge."

He looked annoyed and dropped the accent. "That's my mom's pressed juice."

"Oh, I'm sorry." 

"She's on a cleanse. She knows exactly how many bottles there are." I wasn't sure how this situation was going to play out. 

Olivia obviously felt bad. "I had no idea. I just wanted a drink and I just assumed-" 

"What?" He interrupted. "That you could just go in and take it? There are drinks everywhere. There's a whole bin of soda right there. Why were you in the fridge?" He yelled. 

"I was thirsty. It's just juice. It's not a big deal." She said, trying to calm the boy down. 

"Don't tell me what's not a big deal, okay? Do people go in your house, take stuff out of your fridge?" 

The four of us looked at eachother before answering in unison. "Yeah." 

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" 

He did no just say that! I stood up. "You people?" 

I felt a light touch on my arm. "Hey, just let it go." 

"Don't you have any respect?" He said, taking a step closer and getting into my face a bit. Cesar pulled me back as he stood up to meet the kid.

Olivia tapped him on the shoulder, directing his attention at her. "Respect?" She said incredulously. "Says the white boy dressed like a cholo." 

"Excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me?" He said with increasing volume. By this point a crowd had gathered. 

"Hey, we don't want any problems."

"Exactly. You know, I got her. Let me pay for the juice." Ruby compromised. 

The bastard nodded his head. "Okay. Okay, it's fifty two dollars a bottle, and then another twenty each for all the food and drinks you had." 

I knew exactly where this was going. Olivia shook her head. "We don't have that kind of money on us." 

"Of course you don't." He said in a demeaning tone. 

I pulled away from Cesar. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"I'm just stating the obvious." 

I took a step forwards. "Now you're just being a dick." 

Murmurs reverberated throughout the crowd. "Dude, you better control your bitch." 

The raven haired boy stood beside me, just as angry as I was. "You better apologize." 

Olivia spoke first. "No. He doesn't have to apologize." 

"Exactly. So, how are we gonna settle up?" 

"Like this." She unscrewed the cap of the juice tipped it upside down, emptying it's entire contents onto the rug. 

Now he was mad. "You did not just do that!"

"Yeah, actually, I did. Come on guys. I think we've overstayed our welcome."

We had just exited out the front door when I felt something wet and slimy explode against my back. An egg. Soon we were being pelted as we hurtled down the sidewalk. "Run!" Yelled Ruby as we quickly passed up Angel, Monse and Jamal. We stopped a block away from the house, covered in egg.

"You guys, this is all my fault. I let that asshole get the best of me." 

Ruby tried to comfort Olivia. "Don't apologize. We just got to get home. Jamal, get a Lyft."

Fuck this backing down shit. People do not get to treat my friends like this. I began walking back towards the party. That rich asshole was gonna get it. Apparently no one saw my departure. I stalked back to the yard where he was still standing laughing with his friends. "Yeah! We sent them back to where they came from!"

I marched up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. "You talking about my friends, Fuckwad?"

"Did you not get the message? Want some more?"

I didn't say anything, just decked him. He wasn't expecting it and fell to the ground. I continued to do my best to make the bastard hurt. His so-called 'friends' formed a circle around us to watch, but did nothing to help him. He wasn't much of a fighter. Suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder and I was yanked off him. "Cool it!" Two words from Spooky was all it took. I backed up and went behind him to join Cesar.

The kid got up, almost in tears while Oscar glared down at him. He licked his thumb and wiped off the guy's fake tattoo then moved his fingers over his own. It stayed. "This shit's real."

"Please, what do you want?"

***

Oscar drove us back to Ruby's with all the asshole's candy and his mom's juice. Monse left with Angel after that, surprisingly she got the worst of the egging. I was still pretty clean and none had gotten in my hair, so I opted for changing into some of Olivia's clothes and staying. Cesar had also gotten rid of his eggy costume.

"I can't believe Monse went home! Although she is covered in egg. But she's missing out on our jackpot."

I kicked my feet up on the coffe table and opened a cherry sucker. "I know, right? Best. Halloween. Ever." 

Cesar hadn't spoke since leaving the car. "Hey, I'm gonna bounce." He seemed upset.

"Later."

He began to walk to the door, but I jumped up. "Cesar, wait. Can I talk to you?" We exited and stood in the driveway. "Thank you."

"Good night." He turned to leave, but I grabbed his hand. "Screw that kid. He was just some rich asshole showing off."

He sighed. "He's not the problem. No matter how hard I try, I can't escape who I am. Those kids in Brentwood, they don't think we're people. They think we're costumes. And I played right into the stereotype."

"You think I didn't? If there's any one of us that was in the wrong with that kid it was me. You're being too hard on yourself. You stood up for your friends. You did the right thing."

He looked at the ground. "It doesn't feel that way."

"You did nothing wrong." I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. Soon I broke away. "Come back inside. We're gonna watch 'Nightmare On Elm Street', and you know how much horror movies freak me out. I need somebody to hug, and I prefer you over Jamal." 

He couldn't stop the goofy grin from spreading across his face, making me smile too. "I wouldn't want Jamal to become your new sidepiece."

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "Gross."

He smiled wider and hugged me. "Thanks, Astor."

"No prob."

He released me and we started walking back towards the house. "So, maybe we meet in my bedroom after the movie?"

I whacked his arm. "You are such a hormonal teen! But the answer is yes."

This made us both laugh as we headed through the door.


	10. Jastormonsolivia

A/N 'Sup my dudes? Sorry for not updating sooner. This is totally random, but I've been kinda wondering if everyone else saw that one of Oscar's Tattoos reads 'R.I.P LR'? When I watched the first episode I was kinda confused about it until you find out Lil' Ricky's dead. Maybe that was super obvious, I don't know, I just thought it was neat how they alluded to what was coming.

 

The movie was fun. Terrifying, but fun. Afterwards Jamal, Cesar, and I were getting ready to go home. Jamal turned to me. "It looks like you had a good Halloween, getting cozy with Cesar." He poked me in the ribs, making it clear he was just joking.

"Of course they were."

Shit! Shit! Shit! Please don't spill our secret! I silently begged.

All heads snapped to Olivia. She quickly realized her mistake. Ruby gave her a funny look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I...um...I was talking about how cut you guys looked together."

The answer was good enough for Ruby. "Okay, I get it, but for future reference saying that sort of thing makes it sound like they're a couple or something." He quickly began backtracking, afraid of upsetting her. "It's no big deal though, a mistake anyone could make."

"Well, Ruby, it's been great, but I really need to get going. See you guys at school, 'kay?" We all exchanged goodbyes and parted ways. Jamal soon broke off, his house being in the opposite direction of both me and Cesar's. I turned to him. "Hey, I think I'm gonna head home. Monse might get suspicious, and I really don't want her to work it out before I tell her. We've gotta tell them. Soon."

Cesar ran his hand through his hair, something he only did when he was stressed out. "I know." 

"It's been months now. I don't know how long any of us can keep this hidden. I feel so guilty, I'm a terrible friend."

He cupped my face with his hand. "Hey, it isn't just you. It takes two to tango. We'll tell them really soon. And believe me, you're not the only one having a hard time."

I gave him a quick kiss. "Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow. I should probably make sure Angel isn't doing anything less than saintly."

***

When I arrived at home I found Angel on the couch. He had ditched the 'My Little Pony' getup in favor of jeans and a grey t-shirt. He had taken his dark hair out of its usual cornrows in order to wash out the egg. It was curly and hung down past his shoulders. He sat curled up with his head between his knees. "Angel?"

He jumped in surprise. "You're back."

"You're still here. Where's Monse?"

"She's asleep, I think. She was tired." He sounded all shaky, almost as if he was about to cry. 

I didn't really know what to do. "Um...you okay?" 

"I'm-I'm fine."

There was an awkward silence. I stood in the threshold of the living room rocking back and forth on my feet. "Well, I'm about to go to bed, so are you gonna go home, or just chill here for awhile?" To be honest, I was kinda confused as to why he was still here in the first place.

"Oh. Monse said I could stay on the couch tonight." He said, looking down. "I thought you'd probably be at Cesar's."

"What? Why would you think that?" I asked quickly.

"I know you guys are boning." He said. 

My eyes got wide. "How?"

"My brother is Sad Eyes. You really think all the Santos that hang out at Spooky's aren't gonna notice Cesar keeps getting the same girl in his room?" He explained. "I won't tell Monse."

There was another period of silence. "You can stay if you want. Is there anything you need?" He shook his head and I went off to brush my teeth.

***

I woke up last. What happened last night with Olivia almost outing us, and Angel knowing was laying heavily on me. I slept horribly and looked like a zombie. The minute I entered the kitchen I was reminded of my secret that was threatening to spill over upon seeing Angel, his hair thrown up into a messy bun. He gave me a nod and went back to his bowl of Cheerios. 

Monse pounced on me. "Astor! You look dead. But you'll never guess who I saw last night."

I somewhat sleepily waved her off. "No, I won't. Need coffee to function."

"It was Mom."

She now had my undivided attention. "Say what?"

"I think I saw our mom when we were leaving this house Jamal, Angel, and I trick-or-treated at." 

"That's one way of saying it."

I ignored Angel. "Are you sure? How do you know it was her?"

Monse was nearly bursting with excitement. "I'm not one hundred percent sure, but I googled her, and get this. She's an author. Do you think it's a sign or just a coincidence? She's on Facebook too, but her account's private. I haven't frie-"

I put a hand to her mouth to cut her off. "Slow down for a second. Even if this woman is our biological parent, she ditched you, and me, and Dad so she could go off to be a famous writer. She's never given us so much as an email or a phone call. She's never been there for us. She's not my mom and I don't want anything to do with her. I don't think she wants anything to do with us either."

She deflated. "You're not always right, you know. It might have not been her choice to leave."

"Don't you think if she cared she would have made some sort of an effort to get to know us? The selfish bitch doesn't give a flying fuck about us. If she did she would have stuck around." I'll admit I was grumpy, so I may have been overly harsh. Crap. Now I've gone and made her mad again.

She turned away from me frostily. "Bye Astor. I'll see you at school." It was easy to tell that she was upset.

I opened my mouth to yell after her, but stopped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I think I've got this. 'Kay?"

I nodded in agreement with him. "That might be for the best."

***

Once I arrived at school I immediately saw Cesar. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, probably same as me. "Cesar, you look like shit."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "I feel like shit. We gotta find some way to tell them before Olivia lets it slip."

"We can't have this sit any longer. We need to tell them today and find a way so they won't be pissed." I ran my hand through my hair.

"What's up?" We turned to see Jamal run over. He reached us, took one look at us and grimaced. "You guys look fried." 

"Couldn't sleep last night." 

"Nightmares from Freddy Kruger." I hastily lied.

"I'd seriously consider Tempur-Pedic pillows. Changed my life." Then he stopped, struck by a thought. "Or are we talking non-pillow issues? 

Cesar waved it off. "Just some shit. It's nothing." 

He launched into a full blown paranoid monologue. "Is it drugs? You slinging? You stole a car? Held up a liquor store? A drug store? A corner store?"

"No store." 

Jamal continued unhindered. "Home invasion? Assault? Assault with a deadly weapon? Oh, my God, they made you kill someone, didn't they?" His volume began to rise and people started to look at us. 

"Shh." I tried, hoping to calm him. 

"I really hope for your sake it wasn't a white person." 

I was fed up. "He didn't kill anyone."

"How do you know? He could of." He focused his attention back onto Cesar. "You did, didn't you. What else could be bothering you?" 

"We've been banging." Both boys stopped and stared at me as I clapped my hand over my mouth. I've really fucked up now. Great job me.

"What?!" He yelled in disbelief. "You boned?!" We both shushed him. Why would you tell me that? You know I can't keep a secret." 

I scoffed. "I call bullshit. You've kept the football secret for months now. Unless you all of a sudden developed glaucoma or became a pirate." I pulled up his eye patch. 

He flipped it back into place. "That's not funny. Piracy's a problem. And-And-And I'm cool with my own secrets. Other people's? I've got nine hours tops. And that's with perfect conditions. If there are any extenuating circumstances, all bets are off. I can't be too hungry or too full or too hot or too cold or feel physically cornered. And what about Olivia? She lives with Ruby. She could tell him at any moment." 

"Olivia's cool. She's tight-lipped." Cesar told him. 

"You smashed her too?!" He evidently did not understand. 

"I'm talking about the lips on her face." 

Jamal threw his hands in the air in frustration. "And we're in the middle of a freaking heat wave. There's no way I can keep this in." 

"Fine, I'll handle it." I took out my phone. "I'll take Monse, you take Ruby." I started to text Monse only to have the device snatched from my hands. Cesar's was given similar treatment.

"What are you doing? You don't deliver shit like that via text! You have to do it in person." He threw them to the sidewalk where they shattered. I was on the brink of losing it. "Ooh...You'll thank me later." He ran off leaving me to grab our wrecked phones.

Monse walked up to us. "Hey." She looked over from Cesar's sleep deprived features and messy hair. "Wow. You look not good." She walked us over to a table. "I'm sorry Astor. I take full responsibility." I shouldn't have gotten upset, I understand why you kinda hate her. And I promise I'll stop talking about the woman who may be our mom." She had already told our friends about the situation on the mom front. 

"Thanks Monse, but listen, something's been weighing on me." I started, taking a deep breath. This is going to be painful. 

"I know." She simply stated.

"You do?" Cesar and I both said, in shock. 

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah. I get that you guys have been spending a lot of time together because I'm with Angel a lot and you don't feel super comfortable with him. It's okay if you wanna tell me that. I've been thinking, all of us should do a sleepover, just me, you guys, Ruby and Jamal, y'know, for old time sake." I breathed I sigh of relief. 

Olivia had arrived. "Hey. What's up?" 

"Nothing. Nothing's up." Cesar said quickly. 

"Can I borrow Monse for a sec?" 

"No!" We yelled simultaneously. 

"No need to borrow her. She's all yours." He covered. 

We nervously watched them talk. "Everything cool?" I asked my sister upon her return. 

"No!" Shit fuck! I am so dead. I've broken her trust and our bond. I'm deader than dead. 

"We good?" I was somewhat afraid for the answer.

"I've been played. Jasmine suckered Olivia into hanging out after school and Olivia just suckered me. Can you believe that? I got double suckered. 

Cesar gave a nervous laugh. "That sucks." I joined him in shaky, semi-terrified giggles.

She looked at us strangely. "Now I'm suckering you. Olivia has no experience with close encounters of the Jasmine kind and I'm not going into this without backup."

"Sure, sure thing. Whatever."

She raised her eyebrow. "I expected more resistance."

***

After a nap during English, History, and Health, I was far more awake and back to my normal self. I sat on Olivia's bed with her and Monse while I watched in a mixture of complete disgust and mild amusement as Jasmine used Olivia's makeup before commandeering her deodorant. She attempted to step in. "I didn't say you could do that." 

She was unhindered and began to paw through her closet before reaching down to the floor. "Oh. Yes!" She help up a pair of pink, lacy panties. "Yo, what size are you?" 

Olivia's eyes widened. "Oh, honey, no." 

"Well, excuse me for touching the cherished chonies." 

"I think it's pretty normal for people to not want you to touch their underwear." Monse added. 

"Well, not if you're besties." She whined. "Monse, I thought this bitch was really gonna cramp our style, but Jastormonsolivia has a really nice ring to it, doesn't it?" 

I leaned over to the other two sitting with me. "I take no responsibility for this. You were properly warned weeks ago." 

"Everyone deserves a second chance." She said, trying to justify herself.

I rolled my eyes. "And sometimes you've just gotta take people's word." 

I heard heavy breathing and turned to find Jasmine in a completely new dress. That girl had to have broken some sort of a changing record. She took a blast of her inhaler. "Mira, mira! Yes, right? It's good, right?" The dress was way too small, but that didn't seem to bother her. 

"Yas, queen." Olivia yelled, trying to interact with her as little as possible. 

I put my hands up. "Your body, your choice." 

"I think it might be a little tight." My sister tried. We both whacked her arm, in an effort to get her to shut up.

She did not appreciate the comment. "Monse, you are last person who should be giving out fashion advice. I mean, look at you in that doo-doo outfit. Girl, why you trying to be comfortable all the time? Sometimes it's okay to leave your dignity at home. Astor gets it. Love that top. We should totally hang at your place sometime."

"Yeah, no." 

She wasn't listening, instead jumping in front of the mirror. "Pop them titties. Pop them titties. Pop, pop, pop them titties. So, Olivia, how's living with Ruby? He take a lot of showers?" 

She leaned close, whispering, "Follow my lead. Oh, yeah, Ruby loves to get sudsy." 

"Nice. Because you got to get clean before you get dirty. Mmm. So, tell me, does he ever loofah your choofa? Or teeter-totter your tatas? Huh?" 

"No. But let's just say a shower cap isn't only for the hair on top, if you know what I mean." I gagged at her words. 

"Ugh, I can't wait to show him my shower curtains. What else does he like?" 

Olivia got up, motioning for us to follow. "Um... You've been asking a lot of questions about Ruby. It almost seems like you're more interested in gathering intel on him than hanging out with us." Now I could see where this was going. I started nodding along with what she was saying.

"No. I mean- well, I mean, I am interested in Ruby, but-" 

"So, you admit it." Monse interrupted, pretending to be hurt. "He's the only reason why you're here." 

She shook her head. "No! I like you guys too... Sometimes. Yeah." 

"Olivia, wasn't it Jasmine's idea to hang out? And wasn't it Jasmine who suggested we come to your house, which happens to be where Ruby showers? Convenient. And hurtful." I turned away faking sadness. 

"I really don't like being used. I think it would just be better if you gave us our space." 

Jasmine felt bad, which I felt she deserved after messing with all of Olivia's stuff. "Guys, I am not using you. Agh. But I can see how bad this looks, so I'm gonna go." 

"No, you don't need to leave. Just stand in the hall and reflect on your actions." She pushed her towards the door.

"Are you su-" We nodded. "I'll just-" She pointed to the floor. 

"Yup." I interrupted, closing the door. 

We breathed a sigh of relief. "You're good." 

"Don't touch a bitch's chonies." 

I put my hand to my forehead. "I feel like my brain got dry humped." There was a small noise at the door. "One sec." 

I opened the door to have Jasmine, who had been eavesdropping, crash to the floor at my feet. "Ah!" 

"That's fifteen more minutes." I reprimanded. 

"I deserve twenty." 

Olivia snapped her fingers and held out her hand. "Hmm?"

She pulled the underwear from her bra and handed them to her before headind out the door for a second time. "I'm- I'm sorry."

"I'm scared for Ruby." 

"Ruby would appreciate that." 

I smirked. "And a handy. No pressure, but if you ever find yourself with time on your hands. 

"Ah...Moving on." We crossed the room and returned to our original seats on the bed. 

Monse was interested in the current topic. "Okay, so if not Ruby, then who would you be into?" 

"I don't know." 

"What about you?" She asked me. 

My eyes widened. "No one." I said quickly. 

"I don't believe that." 

I knew she wouldn't let this go. "I-I-um..."

Jamal burst through the door interrupting our chat. I thanked my lucky stars. "Astor! Astor, what the freak did you do?"

I looked at him confused. "For once, nothing. At least, as far as I know." 

"I really really doubt that."

"Why?" I asked getting up.

"'Cause there's a big, scary Oscar here for you, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't just pop in for house calls!"

My goddamn lucky stars must hate my guts. I got up and ran to the door where he stood. "What's wrong? Where's Cesar?"

"Why haven't you answered my texts? Someone shot one of the homies. Have you seen Cesar? He ain't answering his phone." 

I was worried. "My phone's broke and his ain't working." 

"If you see him, tell him I'm looking for him." He started off and I closed the door.

"Why does Oscar have your number? I know he's Cesar's brother, but that dude is bad news." Ruby told me.

Jamal nodded furiously. "As much as I hate to agree with Ruby right now, he's right. That doesn't mean I'm staying. I'm just giving Oscar some lead time.

He opened the door only to have Oscar leap back inside and slam it behind him. "One-time!"

"This is L. A. P. D. This block is on lockdown. For your safety, remain inside until further advised."


	11. And It All Comes Out

"I can't believe we're stuck in the house with Oscar!" Jamal yelled just as the sounds of helicopters died off, causing me and Cesar's brother to turn our attention away from the window and to him. Jasmine giggled nervously. 

Ruby's phone went of and he quickly answered. "Ma!...Yeah, I'm safe...No, I'm inside...I'm not gonna starve...We can make do." He moved away to finish his conversation.

Oscar sat on the couch with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. Jamal smooshed himself very close to him, despite there being tons of space. "Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee? Tea?" 

"Personal space." He moved from the sofa cushion to the arm rest, directly above the Santo. "Yo, why you so close to me? There's like five other seats!" 

I expected Jamal to jump and skitter away, but was extremely surprised and worried when the only movement he made was to flip his eye patch back into place. "I wanted to ask you something...if that's okay. But if it's not okay, I don't need to ask, even though I'm dying to know. But I don't need to die. Not that you'd kill me, but you could."

"If I say yes, will you shut up?" 

He nodded violently. "Do you know who Lil' Ricky is?" 

True to his word he took the question seriously. "Which Lil' Ricky? You talking about Baby Ricky's daddy or Tiny Ricky's son?" 

He checked his phone for reference. "Ricardo Galindo." 

Spooky laughed loudly. "Ah, Lil' Ricky." His voice dropped back to it's usual, impassive monotone. "What you want with Lil' Ricky? He's the original veterano." 

"The OV." Jamal joked. 

He glared at him unimpressed. "It doesn't work that way." 

"My bad." He paused for a second before continuing. "Is there anything you could tell me?" 

"Do I scare you?" 

He nodded with the same vigor as before. His poor brain must be so jostled from being shook so much. Probably why he's so clumsy. "Yeah." 

"Well, he scares me." The room got quiet at that.

Ruby reentered the room, wrapping up his conversation. "Okay, bye." He turned to address us. "My parents are stuck, which sucks 'cause they were on a Costco run. There's no snacks in the house." He sat down on the armchair. 

A look of pure terror crossed Jamal's face. "But...if I don't have snacks..." 

I was reminded of our precarious situation. Shit, shit, SHIT! I looked over at Jasmine. "Please tell me you have snacks in your purse." 

She pawed through her purse. "Girl, you know I do. It's egg salad, but it's warm." 

I turned to the boy on which my fate was resting. He was doing his very best not to hurl. "I'll take it." She passed it to him and he began stuffing it in his mouth. 

I fought the urge to dry heave at the smell, while Ruby pulled a face. "Uhg. Why are you eating that?" 

"For the greater good." He said, his mouth full. 

"Is that the sandwich?" Oscar asked. 

Jasmine looked embarrassed. "No, it's me. I got the egg booty coughs." 

"Oh, I swear to God, if you don't go away!" He yelled, pointing out of the room. 

"Okay." She ran out. 

Ruby leaned back against the couch. "She went into my room, didn't she?"

I saw he was correct. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

Spooky's phone buzzed. "Where can I take this?"

"There's no one in the bathroom." I answered, pointing down the hall.

He got up, answering it. "Que onda?" 

Jamal quickly mashed the remainder of the soggy sandwich into his mouth. I choked at this, unable to restrain my gag reflex. "Never do that again."

He shook his head, cheeks stuffed. "Newwer ewwer"

***

Eventually Jamal decided to go check in on Monse and Olivia, returning with them to play a game. I could see he was struggling with the secret. He stood in front of the air conditioning, blasting it. "You can't turn the A/C up that high." Ruby said. "You're gonna blow the power." 

He turned. "I need to regulate my body temperature." 

He let it rest and all of our attention was focused on Jasmine, who was wiggling uncontrolably. "I have to pee so bad. And I'm sprouting major turtle-head. Will someone tell Oscar to get out of the bathroom?" She was in distress.

"Go ahead." I said sarcastically. 

She considered her options. "I'll hold it." 

Ruby looked up at Olivia. "What kind of games you wanna play? You guys feeling words, pictures, cards?" 

She had an idea. "How about a game that reveals your innermost feelings and secrets?" 

"Or...KerPlunk?" I suggested, worried. 

She ignored me. "How about Smash, Marry, Kill?" 

The power suddenly shut off, making us all glare at the one who caused it. "Jamal!" We yelled in unison. 

"I think that was a sign that we shouldn't play this game."

***

After hearing the game in mind was only Smash, Marry ,Kill I wasn't so adverse to playing. What could go wrong? Plus it would provide a much needed distraction for Jamal. It didn't take long to light a plethora of Ruby's abuelita's candles and soon Jasmine, Ruby, Jamal, Olivia, Monse, and I were all seated around the table. The first player was taking his sweet time. I, for one, was getting impatient. "Go, Ruby! We don't have all day." 

"Actually, we do. We're locked in." Jasmine reminded us. 

"I'm a gentleman, I make love. I don't smash." 

The poor kid had the misfortune of sitting next to the horny hurricane, who leaned in real close. "Well then you're not doing it right, 'cause if you want a girl to bow, then you got to plow!"

I snapped my fingers. "Oh yeah right, like you've ever gotten a guy to give it. Ruby, take it from the most experienced one present. Girls like nice guys. The gentleman will be the one with the last dance. Right, Olivia?" 

She ignored me. "Anyways, Make love, Marry, Kill." 

"Maybe we should ixnay the urdermay." Jamal suggested. "We don't wanna poke the bear in the bathroom." 

"No more rewrites, Jamal. I'll go first. I'd kill Jasmine." My sister started. 

"I deserve that." 

She continued. "I'd make love to Ruby." 

"That's really considerate, just as I would be as a lover." 

"And then I'd marry Jamal."

He apparently wasn't pleased with this answer. "Seriously? Why not make love to me and marry Ruby?" 

"We're married. We're having sex." She explained. 

"What about the marital death bed?" 

"Fine." Monse said in defeat. "I'm changing my answer. I'd make love to Jamal and marry Ruby. Happy?" 

"I am. Because even though we're married, we're having sex, and a lot of it." He turned to the boy next to him. "She made me get clipped." 

We heard a deep laugh. I looked to see Oscar standing on the threshold and nearly jumped out of my skin. How can such a big guy creep up on you so quietly? "Uh... You want to play?" Jamal asked. 

He paused for a minute before agreeing "Okay." He pointed to Ruby first. "I'd kill you." Then Jamal. "I'd kill you." Olivia. "I'd smash you." Monse. "I'd smash you." His gaze skipped over me to land on Jasmine, who began doing her best to look sexy, ultimately failing. "Fine. I'd smash you too. Then I'd kill you." With that he left the room.

"Let's keep playing." I said, attempting to salvage our fun pre Oscar. 

Jamal went nest. "I'd marry Olivia. Monse, you can be my side piece. And I'd kill Jasmine." 

"All right, now it's starting to hurt." 

"Okay, my turn." Olivia said, sitting up excitedly. "I'd make love to Astor." 

"Excuse me." Ruby interrupted. "Can you say that slower?" 

She complied. "I'd make love to Astor." He sighed. Gross. "I'd marry Ruby. And I'd kill Jasmine." 

She was starting to get a bit sore. "All y'all can suck a bag of buttholes." 

Olivia and I looked at each other and laughed. "I hate to break it to you, you're not my type." 

"Damn. There goes my whole experimental phase. Lasted all of two minutes." 

"I hope you're not crushed, I'm into someone else."

She rolled her eyes. "Right, how could I forget. You and Cesar have a thing." Everyone was silent immediately. Her eyes widened at her mistake. Cesar chose that exact unlucky minute to burst through the door, just as the lights came on. Monse got up and addressed us. "You've been dating behind my back?!" I didn't know what to say.

A phone timer went off. "It wasn't me!" Jamal yelled gleefully.

Ruby was the next to stand. "Is it true?!" He yelled angrily. 

Cesar looked down. "Yeah." 

Jasmine spoke up in the worst way possible, adding fuel to the fire. "You know they boning, right?" There was a second horrible pause before everyone started yelling.

"You Fucked?!"

"Claiming to protect, my ass!"

"You lied?!"

"How could you bang your friend?!"

I gave a sarcastic laugh at the last one, getting defensive. "Gee Ruby, you're one to talk about more than friendly feelings. You're totally in love with Olivia!"

"What-" 

"Can we just all take a moment to appreciate the fact that, for once, I was able to keep a secret?" Jamal was still over joyed at his ability to not spill the beans. 

"You knew?!" 

We all began yelling at each other, not even noticing Cesar's brother make a reappearance." Y'all messed up!" We fell silent. "We got business." He told his brother. 

"What about the lockdown?" 

"It's done." They both left, Cesar sending me one last look.

"And y'all wanted to kill me. Shame." She really did not know when to shut up. I went up to her and decked her, then marched out the door. I heard her squawking behind me, but didn't honestly care. 

"FUCK!"


	12. Friends, Enemies, Frienemies

I sat down on the curb with my head in my hands. Oscar was right we did all mess up. I let out a yell of frustration. I heard a yelp followed by a scrambling noise. I whipped around quickly, seeing Jamal dramatically clutching at his chest. I must have surprised him. "Jesus Astor! Way to give a guy a heart attack." dramatically clutched at his chest. 

Despite his oddities, Jamal was probably my closest friend, me and Cesar's relationship having evolved into a bit of a different beast, which is what caused this mess in the first place. I lowered my head again. "Hi. Sorry for everything."

He could see I was upset and sat down besides me. "Hey, are you good?"

"Do I look 'good' to you?"

"...No"

"Then why ask in the first place?!" I shouted the last bit at him.

I felt him get up from beside me and I instantly regretted the harshness of my words. "Sorry I asked. I thought that's what people normally say after a bust up like that. I didn't realize you wanted to completely distance yourself from all your friends. So excuse me!" He said, drawing out the final 'u'.

He began to walk away. "Jamal, wait. I didn't mean to push you away. Everything's really fucked up now and I was taking it out on you. Sorry."

"Whatever." He made a show of looking angry, but motioned for me to follow him after a few seconds.

"And you're right I do want to talk."

"Good. 'Cause I need to rant at someone who actually has blame in this!" He yelled, although it was in a joking tone.

I sighed. "I deserve that." There was a pause. "Monse's super pissed, and t's probably best if I let her cool down a bit. Can I stay at your place tonight?"

"Yeah. I don't think my parents will mind."

***

Once we got to his house he texted to make sure I could stay, and true to his word Jamal launched into a full blown rant. His parent's were still out, so he didn't have to worry about his faked glaucoma. He paced while I watched him laying back on the camping mat rolled out on the floor. "How the hell is this my fault? You guys're always telling me to keep my mouth shut, so I shut my mouth, and now it's on me!"

"Dude, I keep telling you, it's not your fault. Me and Cesar are the ones who're banging, and it was us who decided to keep it a secret in the first place. You weren't even the one who outed Ruby, that one's on me too."

"Even you have to admit that was a low blow. Prepare to deal with serious fallout after that." 

Apparently his parents had arrived, as his mom, Luna Turner, bursted through the door. She rushed in and hugged him. "Baby, I just heard about the lockdown!" 

"A bomb went off." Said Jamal, not realizing how that must have sounded to his mom. 

"A bomb?" She was both shocked and intensely worried.

"A metaphorical bomb." I clarified. She instantly looked more relaxed. 

He continued. "Yeah, but I wasn't the one who dropped it. Astor's right, it was a metaphorical bomb, but real. Very real. I'm still picking out the emotional shrapnel, and I I will never, ever forget the smell of that sulfur."

"You and me both." I mumbled, thinking of the soggy sandwich. 

"I think I might have PTSD."

Familiar with his manner of speech, I translated. "People Telling Me Secrets Disorder." His mother was used to his friends explaining his various expressions, acronyms, and euphemisms.

"The 'Me' is silent." He added. 

She noticed the absence of the eye patch. "But you're seeing okay?" 

"Yeah. My eyes are fine." He's going to regret that very, very soon. "In fact, for the first time, my eyes are wide open. I've never seen better than I'm seeing today. I'm woke AF." 

She sat on the bed next to him. "Don't be cussing in my house." 

"Sorry, but the struggle is real." 

"You're fourteen. What struggle?" 

"FIMS, Ma. FIMS!" He pronounced it 'femmes'. Luna Turner's eyes widened and she sent him a sideways look. 

I quickly stepped in. "Foot in Mouth Syndrome." 

He went on. "When I say something, I'm screwed. When I don't say something, I'm screwed. It's like no matter what I do, I can't figure out how to unscrew myself." 

"Baby, you're looking at the glass half-empty. But you're seeing okay, and your eyepatch is off." He nodded along with her. "That means you must be playing." He forgot to stop nodding. Her eyes once again grew wide as an expression of pure joy and pride crossed her face. Jamal realized his mistake a second to late. "You're playing tomorrow?" 

"Mom, no." 

"Dwayne! Jamal is playing tomorrow!" She got up to find her husband. 

"Mom."

She wasn't listening, already having left the room. "Dwayne!" 

"Damn it! I did it again."

"I'll say. Now you gotta 'fess up and crush your parent's little, domestic hopes and dreams." Perhaps that was a bit much.

He flopped back on the bed. "You're not helping!"

***

Jamal figured Ruby could help him talk the coach into benching him for the entire game. He was probably right, it seemed like Ruby could talk his way out of almost any situation, at least, better than the rest of us. Words were his weapon of choice. We ran up to him on the way to school, attempting to reason with him. Jamal didn't get far. "Dude, we need to talk." 

"I have nothing to say, Judas." 

I caught up and began walking between the two of them "Technically, it was me who sold you out, so I'd be Judas. And I'm really, really sorry." 

"I'm just the keeper of secrets, like the Vatican." 

"No wonder I feel violated." He was keeping up his icy demeanor. 

"Look," He said emphatically. "I need you. I may have inadvertently signed my own death warrant." 

This seemed to peak Ruby's interest. "Pray tell?" 

"I had a FIMS flare-up last night and might've told my mom I'm playing in the game today."

"You told your mom you're playing in the game?" 

We both nodded. "And not just any game, the game that's getting us into the playoffs." I further explained. 

Jamal wore an expression of shock. "Wait, we made it to the playoffs?" 

"If we win. You didn't know?" I asked confused. How could he have missed that? It's been on the announcements and everyone's been taking about it for days. The short boy gave a more than slightly sadistic laugh. 

"Dude, it's not funny. Look, I need your help. I need you to talk to Coach and convince him to let me suit up and sit on the bench." He cackled again, resulting in an eye roll from me. "Hilarious. I know. But you you you are the master. You are the wizard of words. You can take any bad situation and make it better. You are Ruben!" 

He seemed to buy it. "Yeah, you're right. I did get Cesar promoted and I wasn't even trying. I also got Ms. Castillo a tax credit on fake boobs." 

"So, you'll do it?" I was hopeful. 

"Hell no!" And there go my hopes. Dashed against the cruel, jagged rocks of reality. "Jamal, you got two options. Either come clean to your folks or come clean to your folks. Karma's a bitch, dude." He ran away, laughing to himself.

"That did not go well."

***

The first half of school was hell. Monse wouldn't even look at me, let alone talk. Ruby wasn't much better. The only upside was that me and Cesar no longer had a reason to hide, but we were still to guilty to benefit from that. I walked into the courtyard to see the gang plus Angel ended up sitting together at lunch. That was surprising. I put my tray down nest to Cesar. "Did I miss something? Are we all cool with each other?" I asked, confused. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Monse snapped. 

"Yeah, we're cool." Ruby was still frosty.

"Totally chill." I took that as a 'no' on all three counts. 

Ruby eyed where I had sat. "Interesting. Hmm." 

I moved between him and Cesar. "Better?" 

Monse was next. "Isn't it a little hot over there, Steamy even?" 

Cesar closed his eyes and shook his head. I squirmed uncomfortably under her glare. "Not really." 

"Just thought it might be getting a little heated." They shot me the most sarcastic, fake smiles as I got up once again, this time relocating to the sides of her and Angel, who was obviously very confused. 

There was a supremely uncomfortable silence. I made an attempt to break the ice. "Oh, I didn't know there was pie." 

"Cesar took the last piece." 

"Yeah." My sister added staring straight at me. "Cesar can't keep his hands off of the pie." Understanding illuminated her boyfriend's features. He sent me a look of pity.

He gave her a look that said: 'What the fuck?' Then proceded to cut it in two, passing it to Ruby and her. "Happy?" 

Ruby slid it back across the table. "To late. You already took it, and didn't even tell us." 

"I barely touched it." He protested. 

"Liar." Monse coughed. 

"I'm done. Turns out I've had my fill." He said, getting up. 

The now infamous pie was passed again, this time from Ruby to me. "You should have it." He said in a falsely sweet voice. "It might fill that big mouth." He too, left.

It was just me and Monse. "Was I the pie?"

She just glanced at me coldly. "What do you think?" She went off by herself, leaving just me and Angel.

"So..." He started. "You dropped the bomb?"

I sighed. "I wish. Olivia did."

He winced. "Should I talk to her?" He motioned in the direction my sister went off in.

"No!" I yelled, making him jump. "Sorry. I really appreciate that you'd be willing to do that, but she'll only get mad that you didn't tell her. She probably needs time to cool down right now anyway. She's pissed, and Monse's a person who usually works things like this out alone. She's probably writing about it in her journal right now, or making some sort of a pros and cons list."

"I've kinda realized that by now, I was asking just in case you thought it would help. I'm more worried about you right now."

Now I was confused. "Me?"

"Monse has a pretty level head on her shoulders, and you're right, she's probably writing angry poetry as we speak. You on the other hand, tend to do something unbelievably stupid when shit hits the fan." I gave him the middle finger. "It's true! You can't argue with that." I opened, then closed my mouth realizing he was right. Damn. I hate that. "To be honest I don't want you to get hurt."

A few seconds passed. "Wow. That's actually really nice. Thanks Angel."

"Don't get me wrong, I still think you're a violent, loud, not to mention annoying, bitch, and a complete pain in my ass-"

"Gee, thanks." I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. 

"But I kinda like having you around. If you're still game, I'll take you up on the Halloween truce." He held out his hand. "Friends?"

"Nah." I said taking his hand. "We're still enemies. Just with friendly qualities."

He shrugged. "I'll take that."

***

The rest of the day went about as well as can be expected. In other words, rough. Luckily Cesar was in the rest of my classes, so we pretty much just hung out and avoided the others. At least we didn't have to hide anymore. The end of the day couldn't come fast enough, an believe me, there was no way in hell I was sticking it out for the football game whether or not Jamal was sitting on the bench. Cesar and I were starting to walk home when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Monse with her boyfriend trailing a few paces behind. "What's going on?" I asked in an exasperated tone. 

"Angel said you wanted to talk." I guess he had talked to her. With results nonetheless! 

She seemed calm, and I decided to press my luck. "Yup." I waited for her to speak, but was only met with silence. "Maybe you misunderstood. I wanna talk, you wanna talk, so hit me." I gestured to myself and her. 

"Privately. As in sans the Santo."

"Monse it's-" I started to object, only to be interrupted.

"It's cool. You all do your girl thing." Cesar began to walk away. "I'm gonna bounce." 

My sister shook her head. "As much as I would love you to, you can't miss seeing Jamal in the game." 

"Jamal?" He was confused. I guess he did get to the bench after all. I would pay good money to see how he managed that. 

We quickly hurried to the bleachers, meeting up with Olivia and Ruby, somehow ending up all sitting together once again. "Told you Jamal's on the field." 

"How and why is this happening?" Olivia was confused. 

True to his nature, Ruby seized the opportunity to show off his smarts. "Me. Me is why this is happening. Ruben made a special appearance in the coach's office and got Jamal on the team."

"For what reason?" I was curious as to how he convinced Ruby. Last I checked he was totally steamed at him. 

I never got the chance to hear, as his parents passed us on the bleachers, literally vibrating in anticipation. They had been waiting the last fourteen years for this moment. "Isn't this exciting? Aren't you excited?" Luna was like a cheerleader on steroids, twice the peppy power. 

"Yeah!" Monse quickly said. "Excited. Stunned. Surprised." 

"Emphasis on the surprised." My friends all glared at me. I jumped in with a quick save. "It's just that it's been a long time coming after that record-breaking run of injuries." 

His dad continued grinning. "I know. I thought we'd have to put that boy in a bubble." 

We all forced laughter as they moved further up the bleachers. "You still might." Cesar added quietly. 

The game was passing quickly, goals punctuated with wild hoots and boos, especially from the Turners, they really put the rest to shame. I wasn't sure whether I should be feeling secondhand embarrassment or joy from them. Our group of feuding friends however, sat in silence, with the exception of an occasional cheer. That is, until Ruby. "So petty." 

"What's petty?" Asked Cesar. Honestly I wasn't quite clear on what he was talking about either. 

"Oh." He said in false surprise. "So, now you're talking to me? We've been sitting here four quarters, you haven't said a word. Like, 'Hello. How was your day? Your hair is looking immaculate.' Or, 'I'm sorry.'"

"I'm sorry." 

"Really? That's how you're gonna do it?" He snapped. 

I could feel Cesar's exasperation. "Well, I was waiting to do it one-on-one." 

"So your apologies are like your betrayals. Stealth and untimely." 

Angel, who was seated next to Ruby tried to break up the argument. "Hey, you guys want soda, candy? It's on me." 

Their answer was unanimous. "Nope." 

"Come on, Ruby. Can we not do this?" 

"Not do what? Cat got your tongue? Or was it Astor?"

I had to say something at that. "What difference does it make to you if I like him? What is your problem?"

"I don't give a fuck that you guys are boning. It's just that normally you trust your friends enough not to keep it a secret for months!" I could see he was more hurt than angry. I knew I was guilty, he was right, friends don't pull shit like that. 

The ref's whistle blew, causing cries to erupt. 

"That call was bullshit!" 

"Boo!" 

"Boo!"

"Come on!"

"Shame on you!" 

Ruby stood, apparently he was really pissed about everything, including the game. "The ref is clearly biased. That call was bullshit." 

Cesar took the opportunity to place me on the opposite side of him, next to Ruby. I turned to him. "Gee, thanks buddy." 

He sat back down and notice the rearranged seating. "Nice. Nice work, amigo. You got me." I slid further away from him. "Excuse you. Why are you scooching? I'm the injured party here." He really was in a mood. 

"I was just trying to protect you." I blurted out. No I wasn't. Shit, why did I say that? I don't know why, it was just the first thing that popped into my head. 

"Really? Is that what that was? 'Cause I wasn't aware throwing your friend under the bus was protection. That bus was meant for you and you dragged me in front of it, so I'd go down with you." 

"What bus?" I asked.

"The bus of truth. Now it's all come out. I know you lied. You're a liar and a puta!"

I was pissed. "Go to hell, Ruby!" 

Angel switched spots with Ruby, attempting to diffuse the situation. "The game is almost over. Let's talk this out after." 

I rolled my eyes. "I can't wait that long." 

I tried to leave, only to be stopped by the official bitch of the day. "You don't get to walk away. I get to walk away." 

The boy in the middle of us put his hands up. "Okay, maybe figure this out now." 

"There's nothing to figure out. Astor and Cesar are backstabbing liars." 

"Dude, drop it!" 

Olivia pointed. "Look! They're putting Jamal in the game!" 

Ruby ignored her for once and continued yelling at Cesar and I. "If I don't?" He shot back at him. "What're you gonna do, homes? Put a green light out on me?" 

They were all in each other's face. "No, but I'll put you on pause!" 

"I'm gonna get in on it." I leaned in. 

"Enough!" Yelled Angel, silencing us. "Estás actuando como un grupo de niños! Si alguien dice otra cosa, les voy a pegar en la boca! All of you, behind the bleachers. Now!" I'd never heard him yell before, but he was a bit scary. We all obeyed, following him out of the stands. We stood facing each other. He sighed. "Look, despite what may or may not have happened, you love each other. I know I haven't known you guys that long, but even I can see that you are each other's family. So, whether or not you want to work this out, you need to, because you need each other."

It was my turn to sigh. I had to bite the bullet and come clean. If I ad done that in the beginning we wouldn't even be in this mess. "You guys are right. This one is on me and Cesar. We've been lying to everyone. And I need to come clean." Cesar stepped closer to me. "So, here's the truth. I was into Cesar. I had a big crush on him. And before I went to Nonny's I told him. He felt the same way and one thing led to another. After that night, I bounced for the summer. And-" 

Cesar cut me off and started telling the painful story. "It was my idea not to tell anybody. It was like, two weeks after the Latrelle incident, and if word got 'round we smashed, Astor would get labeled a slut. And I thought if we told you guys it would tear us apart. I wasn't gonna say anything, but Oscar came back and saw a picture of her in my room. He said he wanted to get at her, so I told Oscar and his homies that we smashed to protect her. I claimed Astor to keep her safe."

"After I came back, the whole thing kinda spiraled. I was scared to tell everyone and I'm really, really sorry. I was a coward." I looked at my feet. "Can I stop embarrassing myself? 'Cause this hole that I've dug is starting to feel pretty deep." 

"Sorry I called you a puta." 

I cracked a smile. "Appreciate that, pendejo." 

Monse came up to me and gave me a hug. "I'm part of the reason you were scared to tell us. I reacted badly, and I'm sorry." 

Sadly our moment of sisterly love was broken up by sudden, thunderous cheers. "What the hell's going on out there?" 

We ran around to the front of the bleachers to see Jamal running for his life, football in hand. He made the touchdown and the crowd lost it. The familiar chant picked up. "All fall down! All fall down! All fall down! All fall down!" He complied, plus breaking out in some interesting dance moves. "Yeah, Jamal! Jamal!" 

 

 

A/N So, once again sorry for the long wait, but it's almost summer, and believe it or not, I have a social life. I guess I'm a bit busier now, but I'm gonna try to update once per week. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I heard Olivia speak Spanish in that episode I was just like, "Ooooh, so this is why all of the characters except for her speak in Spanish at least once per episode. I was very surprised. I kinda felt some second hand embarrassment for her there.


	13. Quinceanera

My sister and I decided to have a girls night, watching chick flicks and painting our nails, not something either of us normally do, but it's fun every once in awhile. Maybe Olivia was rubbing off on us. After starting out with 'A Walk to Remember', we decided on 'Titanic', before finishing off with 'The Notebook.' Monse had fallen asleep right at the beginning of the movie, leaving me to cry over Noah and Allie's love. The show soon ended and I powered off the TV. I woke up Monse and she headed to bed. I was about to follow, when I heard the door open. "Dad?"

"Hey Kiddo. I just got back. What are you doing up?"

I ran over and hugged him. "We had a movie night. I thought you weren't getting in until tomorrow."

He smiled. "I wanted to get back early to see my girls. I was going to surprise you in the morning."

"I'm glad you're here, I really need to talk to you about something." Might as well just bite the bullet.

He sat down at the table and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

"No! No, no, no, no. Definitely not."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God."

I took a deep breath. "I'm dating Cesar." I waited for his reaction.

He shrugged. "Okay."

I raised my eyebrow. "So...you're fine with it?"

"Yeah, I trust you and I've known Cesar for years. He's a good kid."

I crossed my arms. "You trust me, but you thought I was pregnant?"

"I didn't know what to expect, so I went for the worst."

"But you're okay with me dating Cesar?"

"You and Monse are growing up, and I don't have total control over your lives. If you think you and Cesar can be safe and this will turn out okay, then I trust you. I still want to talk to him though."

I hugged him again. "Thanks Dad."

***

The next couple weeks passed in a flash. We had all gotten over our differences and everything was back to normal, Ruby chasing Olivia, Jamal being needlessly paranoid, Angel annoying the hell out of me, me attempting to kill Angel, Monse reprimanding the both of us. There was one thing different, but it was a good sort of different, Cesar was my boyfriend and we didn't have to hide. The best part was the crew was totally cool with it!

Even though Dad couldn't be there this year, Thanksgiving was great. We joined Angel and his family to celebrate, which included our ancient babysitter, Mrs. Ruiz. We were both surprised to learn she was Monse's boyfriend's bisabuela. The first thing she said after we walked through the door was: "dime que Astor no es tu novia." Other than that, the evening was great. After dinner we met up with Jamal and Cesar before walking to Ruby and Olivia's for a second dessert. Once we arrived we all began chatting and laughing.

Jamal looked around. "Wait, where's Mario?" 

"I was hoping to see him." I was planning on teasing him about the last night I saw him. He was totally baked, it was hilarious in retrospect.

"He went with his new bougie girlfriend to Nevada." Ruby answered. 

"Instead of coming home?" Thanksgiving was Mario's favorite holiday, he would start planning the dinner like, six months in advance. 

I felt Cesar shrug behind me from where I was sitting on him. "He's in the bone zone." We gave nods and murmurs of understanding.

Olivia, having never met Mario wasn't really interested in the conversation and changed the topic. "Can you pass the tres leches?" She suddenly looked a bit forlorn." My mom makes the best tres leches for my birthday. Guess not this year." 

Monse rubbed her back, trying to be supportive. "Don't say that. Maybe your folks will be home before your birthday."

"In a week?" She shook her head. "I don't think so." 

Ruby's eyes widened in surprise. "Wait, your quince is in a week? And you didn't tell us? Mom, Dad, Olivia's quince is in a week!" 

"It's not a big deal." She said, trying to quiet him. 

"What? Mija, is that true?" His mom asked, rushing into the room.

She nodded. Ruby's dad jumped in next. "Olivia, don't worry about a thing. I'm gonna get my shifts covered at work and we'll do it here next Saturday." 

Everyone started celebrating, well that is, everyone except the birthday girl. I poked Cesar's shoulder and pointed to Olivia, who was slipping back to her room. We followed her and opened the door, only to see her crying. "Hey, why'd you disappear?" Cesar asked. We were both unsure of what to do.

"I just needed to get some air." 

"Um... You okay?" Well that was a stupid question. She's obviously not okay. 

He turned to me and whispered, "Can you do that girly thing where you get soft and supportive?" 

"I do that?" I raised my eyebrow. 

"No. But can you?"

I crossed my arms. "Nope. Honestly, what did you expect? Go get Monse." He left while I sat on the bed next to her and awkwardly patted her on the back. "Sorry, I'm kinda crap at this whole making people feel better thing."

"Y-yeah, no shit." she sniffled. 

Luckily my sister arrived shortly and wrapped her arms around the crying girl. She subtly gestured for me and Cesar to do the same. "You don't have to do this." Olivia said. 

"We're not doing anything. Don't know why, but we all felt the need to hug." 

She was understandably upset. "I can't believe I'm about to have my first birthday without my parents and it's my quince. It's so ironic. I mean, since I was able to walk, my mother has driven me crazy talking about my quinceanera. Trying recipes, cutting magazines, making playlists. And my dad, practicing our waltz so he'd have it down on the day. He's been practicing for years. Years!"

"That's a lot of dancing." My sister tried to make her feel better.

"Yeah. And he has no rhythm. Like none. So, my feet are all shredded, all in the name of my mother's obsession, which I used to pray would stop. But now that it has...I miss it."

Ruby entered the room with a look of mild alarm. "What's going on?" 

"Nothing." Monse was a bit angry. "You just totally and completely devastated Olivia by suggesting she have a quince."

Ruby joined the group hug. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rub salt on the wound."

"Salting wounds is kinda your specialty." Monse slapped the back of my head. "Ow."

She sighed, finally calming down. "It's not your fault. I haven't seen my parents in months and I've barely talked to them. It's just a nightmare situation." 

The short boy jumped up in excitement. "Which is why you should have a party!" 

My sister glared at him "Ruby, she doesn't want to celebrate. Are you even listening? 

"I am. And what I'm hearing is how important this party is to her mom."

"I can't do it without her." Olivia was about to start crying again. 

Ruby, however didn't seem to notice. "But that's why you have to." We all gave him confused looks. "You're not betraying your mom to have a quince if she's not here, but you would be betraying her to not have one because she's not here. Not after all her planning." 

She was nodding. "I never thought of it that way." 

"Because I'm good at making people understand the right side of an argument." 

"Or annoying them into submission." Monse snapped. I swatted the back of her head. "Ow."

***

It had taken less than twelve hours for Ruby to go full party freak mode. Our entire squade had been summoned at nine the next morning to start planning. "Everyone, please open your e-devices and find the e-mail I sent titled "Winning". Find it? Good. Because after copious hours of searching through Olivia's quincespirations, I've compiled the best ideas on a Pinterest page on the link below her headshot. 

"Where's Olivia?" Cesar asked. 

"The princesa doesn't need to be bothered with the details. Now, anyone else have a dumb question?"He looked around, but no one said anything. "Huh? Good. And before we really get going, I'd like to remind you that we're not just friends and family, we're damas and chambelanes in Olivia's court de honor, which means being honorable and dedicated. So, take a look at our mandatory rehearsal schedule and-" His phone beeped and thankfully interupted him. "Excuse me. I need to take this. Ruby's Fancy Festivities." 

I rolled my eyes at the name. Monse and Angel were huddled around a computer, so I turned to Cesar. I kissed him on the nose to shake him out of his daze. He grinned. "I bet you ten bucks this ends badly. Ruby's already halfway to a mental breakdown and it hasn't even been twenty four hours." I whispered.

"I'm gonna have to pass. I don't feel like losing money."

Ruby wrapped up his call. "Yeah, yeah. I'll take my business elsewhere. I'm back. Sorry. Apparently ordering a goat-drawn carriage is more complicated than I thought. Who knew there was a goat wranglers union? I kid you not. Pun intended." 

"Whatever, man." Cesar attempted to stop his ramblings. 

"So, we're gonna need to rethink the carriage, which I'll get to in a moment, unless You all think the twins can pull it?"

I shrugged. "Probably. They're not really that different, they just have less hair and no hooves. It's fine if you're okay with child abuse." 

"No. Fine. Moving on. The following are individual responsibilities. 

Cesar put his hand up. "I'll handle music."

He nodded "Great minds think alike, compa. Monse, given your expert penmanship, you're gonna do invitations. No. Use cardstock. Astor, you're on decorations. Jamal, you can cater. And by you, I mean your dad." 

"How many people?"

He gave an expression like he was counting. "Well there's us, and then the block, and...Three hundred." 

"Three hundred people!?" Jamal and I yelled in unison. 

"You're right. Better make it 350." 

Ruby's grandmother suddenly popped out of the kitchen. "Jamal will do the flowers. I will do the food." 

Jamal was confused. "What do I know about flowers?" 

"Nothing, which is why you need to go to Mr. Greenthumb. Mr. Greenthumb will help you." She winked. 

"Oh, Mr. Greenthumb."

Okay, that was weird. There's something going on there.


End file.
